What if

I can’t help but think, ponder, dream about the perspective I’ll have in three, five, ten maybe twenty years. Will all the turmoil have been worth it? Will I understand why I had to suffer so? Or will I regret every decision made…

I deeply believe in my beloved Lord and that He will do right by me as long as I do good. But what if at the end it all remains as painful as ever? What if I don’t get you? What if I can’t forget forget you even when I’m sixty and life is full of sorrow as it is today. What if I die and I stand before God who’ll question me ‘why didn’t you follow your heart? You gut? Was pride and logic more precious than love?!’ And I’ll look solemnly knowing I was wrong and betrayed my love for nothing. That you weren’t going to be mine even in the hereafter.

The ‘What ifs’ rule my brain. But deep down I know these are old habit coming to play again. The desire, passion, need to be around my moon is overcome which is ridiculous because there was enough love to make us work, til death and the seven lives after. I swear by God there is enough love to wrap around the world a million times. Alas we didn’t have strength nor the courage to leave our worlds to pursue each other. Truly, I know I’ll love him forever. My moon, my life. But you can only love the moon from afar. That is the moon and the moon lovers destiny.

My moon, visit me often even if from afar. I promise I won’t try to keep you for myself but your shine makes it easy for me to breathe and I simply love you.