Bite Marks (1)

This dreadful forever accumulating air, stifles us slowly
As we trudge through these desolate pews and broken isles
Filled with dreadful creatures and dark monsters,
That would haunt your favorite nightmares;
They appear, not in the literal sense

But now with masks and a new flesh on

To shroud their worlds of lies.

They speak in tongues of fire, yet not to our Father, 
But to the other monsters, scarecrows and each other

To see who has gotten the best at it.
They abandon every word you say,

In hopes that their fancy words

And good intentions can buy their ticket into the afterlife.
These unholy clouds block us consistently,

Dismantling our view of promised lands

And though we struggle,

We are promised to make it past this desert one day; 

Hopefully soon, before my mask starts peeling off as well.

 

Author's Note

part one of two... based of a rather specific story...

Reviews

[Sasha]

Great descriptions.

[Tamia123]

Not much to say but: hauntingly beautiful. Love it! I can't wait to read part 2.

[Azriel]

thank you tamia, hopefully i'll post it later today.

[Eddie Phillips]

This is a creative and introspective piece. I like the last line. We all wallow in wickedness and sometimes we hide in it to be unseen. It doesn't mean we are wicked but we try to skirt the fringes of life to survive till the dawn.

[Azriel]

thanks a lot eddie, and yep i wholeheartedly agree with that.

[unsavable_soul]

This is a nice piece Azriel,
I can't say for sure but it gave me the vague feeling of a church in it's beginning. It is well written for sure. There feels to be much anguish within your piece. I like it.
Thanks for the read request.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Azriel]

thank you, and yes the context of this piece is rooted in a situation involving a church, so i intentionally tried to bring out that, glad you picked up on that.

[unsavable_soul]

Captain Obvious at your service. One has to accept "that with great power comes great responsibility". I am of a playful mood today, I apologize if this is less than funny...
Chris

[Azriel]

haha no worries.

[Sami Khalil]

A very good poem... I do like it...Thank you for sharing...:)

[Azriel]

thank you sami, i appreciate your kind words...

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[.]

~ wow... okay... first stanza... very compelling... you establish the existence of deceit in a place where people congregate... a place that has pews and aisles... and no, i won't say the word... for such a place... :P ~ "dismantling our view" is a brilliant expression and a powerful image... you narrowed down their weapons to "fancy words" and "good intentions" very skillfully... and the harm caused in the expression "these unholy clouds block us consistently"... ~ the last stanza... is somewhat eerie... one wonders why the narrator is masked even though the narrator can see through the lies... ~ excellent work... can't wait to read part 2...

[Azriel]

thanks a lot serah, im glad you liked it... and as it is an account of a past experience now i'm able to look back and see that even though i could see through their lies, i eventually came to the realization that i too was wearing a mask... just a different kind.

[.]

~ you're very welcome... and thank you for sharing your notes about how the narrator was wearing a different mask... i so appreciate insights from poets... :)

[Azriel]

no problem :)

[Robin]

My, my, my, I'm smiling because this is a very nice write. I feel I know exactly what you are talking about. Almost a continuation of your earlier works. I can't wait for part two. Please post soon.

[Azriel]

thanks a lot robin and yes it could be said this is a continuation of some of my earlier stuff.

[Robin]

Then very nicely done. Now, I am quite certain I know exactly what you are talking about. HypocrIsy among those who should be leading to salvation is a bitter pill to swallow. I love how you say it without saying it outright.

[Azriel]

yep that's exactly it.

[Just Kim]

deep and thought provoking,
nicely done

[Azriel]

thank you