Last Conscious Breaths (Original)

After living your life

Within its entirety

A mystifying question

Remains for the near deceased

Who'll be there too

Witness my last breaths

Of precious air

Reminiscent of a shinny glare

Meant to depict

This particular matter

As a lasting living stare

Behind two closed eyelids

Are two open eyed pupils

Excited towards

Returning home angelically

Into spiritual heaven

Dissipating all aliveness sands

From the top end

Within a sculptured hour glass

Are these vacating sands

Setting above

An invisible equilibrium line

In-between

The top & bottom half portions

Is this very line

Illustrated like a divider followed by

The bottom half portion

Defining why

A mortal existence

Remains present

Between the living & dying

Aspects of human life

As a transient being

Leaving a intriguing trail behind

For every willing

Witness & admirer

Aloud to follow and find

Their friend's life trail

Ending near their final death bed

During the event of their

Last Conscious Breaths

Author's Note

Experimenting with a different type of writing style here. All reviews are welcome. Thanks for reading and enjoy. :)

Reviews

[Kristin Lee]

While both versions are great, I almost like this one are more. It feels more attached to the personal human element to me. Where the other version feels more like someone from the outside looking in. Does that make sense?

[Dana Alsamsam]

ah don't we all question this often in the witching hour of night...i enjoyed this very much, although i had to read it a few times to flesh out some of its complexity.
"Behind two closed eyelids
Are two open eyed pupils"
these lines i thought were purely brilliant and made me think. great job!

[Quill~]

WOW! Believe it or not, I've had panic attacks over this very thought, many a night. This is an intriguing read. Well done. :)