Vault Of Pain (Original)

It's a strange lock combination

Unlocking contradictions

Haunting 24hr souls

From sunrise to sunset

Emotional afflictions

Expose existing

Conceptual & Harmful Simulations

Disguised as toll takers

In the realm of human life

Rejoice in piecing a common veil

Held sacred yet defaced 

Our minds and hearts

Remain afflicted

Within In the frameworks of chaos

We're scarred and it's often hard

To embrace or abstain from

What's locked away

Within everyone's hidden

Vault Of Pain

Author's Note

A short & gripping type of poem I was experimenting with. All reviews welcome, thanks for stopping by & enjoy. :)

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

I suppose we decide the fee, before letting someone into the vault. Sometimes it's even worth it... A good ponder here, BP, and I like the form of this one.

[Matching Socks]

We all have a chamber in our hearts and minds reserved for painful memories.
Sometimes when we open that chamber to shove something new in, one escapes!
And I really really hate when that happens.

[Frieda P]

Within poetry is the key, to unlock the darkness and set it free, lots tucked away in that vault, it'll suffocate us if not released. Well said Bpoet. :)

[Austin Fern]

The poem starts off very strong, but ends up losing some steam. The second half of the poem just lost the wonderful flow the first one possessed.

I also recommend changing 24hr. In just about every form of writing it is best to fully write numbers out and not abbreviate. It really pulls one out of the poem rather than keeping them in.

I did like the word choice and it had a very powerful opening. If you work on revising the second half this could go from a good poem to a great one.