rambles

What has changed? 

In the last ten years, 

What's so different? 

I'm still the same person. 

Still feeling the same emotions, 

Wondering if ill ever be enough. 

Looking for validation in all the wrong places, 

No longer in the bottom of a plastic bag, 

Or the base of a glass plate. 

No longer drowning my sorrows in that amber liquid, 

That used to caress my lips like a forbidden lover. 

No longer looking for that pill

That will numb all the pain. 

No longer searching for fame. 

I know not of who I am, 

Know not of what to become. 

I know whom i refuse to be,

And who I can't become. 

I know what I've lost, 

And what needs to be overcome. 

I know who i once was, 

Who I wish to be. 

I can't see that in between, 

The path to walk, 

The oath to be sworn. 

It feels forbidden 

And feels obsolete. 

It's a whisper in the night, 

It's a splash of rain, 

On the January streets. 

It's an image of acceptance, 

One that can't be beat. 

It's overcoming my bullshit. 

Accepting who i am, 

Even when I don't believe 

That eventually i will be everything i needed you to be