I'm God

“Hello everybody, don't panic, I'm God. Yep, that's right but don't worry I'm not going to do anything bad. I'm just using this lad Paul's body to speak through because as you probably know, I'm not an earthly thing, I'm bigger than that, and smaller. I'm not a size per se but I'm, well one way you people might like to imagine it is I'm a bit like dust, like a smoky dust, blowing about. Got to bag me up, like Paul here. If I wasn't in here I'd be all over the place, getting in your eyes, up your skirts, all over your shelves. What's that you say? Don't worry about Paul, it doesn't hurt him one bit. He's happy as Larry. As you know I'm virtuous. I am God after all, pfft. You're okay aren't you Paul?”

“Yes God.”

“Good Now I'm sure you've all got a lot of questions and I was expecting a bigger crowd but I'm a bit shy, new to public speaking and all that, so be gentle. Now I know guys around the world - religious types - have said they've heard the voice of God, etc, received my word, my wisdom, and that I have used various people as a mouthpiece, but in all honesty, not to take anything away from those kids, I'm sure they're trying to do a good job, this is the first time I have spoken publicly. No one on earth has ever heard my voice - the voice of God, but I thought what with all the publicity, not to mention doubt floating around, I ought to speak up. You are the privileged few. It's not easy for me, I'm naturally very insecure and up tight. You can ask any of the spirits up there in heaven - hope they're looking over me, they'll tell you how quiet I am. I keep myself to myself up there, only a few close friends, mostly cherubs. I'm very nervy. It's hard being me. All this power. I'm not cut out for this job. Can't you tell? It's a nightmare. Okay, well you're all very quiet, making me nervous. I know I could do better. I'm trying. It's not easy. Jesus, you guys.

“Well, that's it really, I haven't got much to say. I'm not that exciting really. The books trump me up, it's fair to say. Only, I'm doing my best, bear with me, for my sake. I'll be making these appearances(?) every week, so please be kind. I want to get to know you guys. We need an understanding if we're going to sort this s**t out. I need your help, okay, I'm not too proud to admit I'm struggling here.

“Okay, so I'll see you next week, yeah? Oh and do try and get along better, or I'll have to hurry up with the next ice age or something. We can work it out guys. Peace out, God.

“Thanks Paul, same time next week?”

“You got it, God.”

“Cheers, mate. Appreciated.”

Reviews

[ian8777]

I really like this. You have one a great job of humanising 'God'. The voice you have given him rings with truth. He is weak, fallable and insecure just like us all. Nice one mate.

[Pax]

intriguing..

[Destiny Doré]

I loved how you made God seem relate-able :)

[Erika Jones]

I love how you got God to say the word 's**t' xD!

[Donald Meikle]

I knew it! I was positive damn it. A fraidycat God (not that I blame you) (much)

[L0v3craft]

lmfao, i really enjoy the thought of god being some reclusive, anxious shut-in-- the whole thing was interesting