Rise

Random writing. :D

It began as a seed, small and round,

And was buried beneath ground,

A week passed by and it grew ever so slightly,

And a man watered it to make sure it grew rightly,

Then one day, when it's roots were deep in,

The seed burst forth as a litte pine,

And grew and grew until it was fullgrown.

Author's Note

Rough draft. Advice please.

Reviews

[Kal]

Simple yet so deep..

Good write!

[Lucy Joan]

I agree with the other comments below- you could add more to the end. Also, I'm not sure if you were going for that rhyming poem scheme, but the last three sentences didn't rhyme, as opposed to all the other lines above. It was great, actually! But you could fix the end. ^-^

[54321]

hmmm... advice. Add more to the end. It ends abruptly and kind of plain. Like the building up of something and then nothing happens. I love the word choice "burst forth" as a climax of the event but then the poem loses its integrity in the last line. delete the last line and continue the poem. Maybe mirror it to something else that grows big, a metaphor, something to give the poem meaning.

[Mandi]

my advice would be to give more detail at the end. like what it grew into. how pretty or whatever or however you want to make it look. ya know? but this was definatly a good rough draft!

[Last Lying Look]

This is pretty good.
The end is a little sketchy but the rest of it is amazing.
Keep up the good work!
-Elissa :)