I want it

Please be aware that this is about suicide thoughts

I want to go somewhere far on an empty field and lay down and do nothing, just listen to the silence. I want to go up on a tree and jump down while feeling the pain on my neck as I start suffocating on a rope. I want to draw with silver and see red coming but seeing pink deep. I want to sit in a blood lake while laugh as I feel how I slowly leave this word. I want to feel my lungs fill up with water while I sit at the deepest point of the ocean. I want to feel how my stomach burns as i consume bleach. I want to see myself vomiting all over the place as i lose my sight and my ability to stay awake. I want to pass out and forget everything. I want to go to sleep and not wake up after. I want to see my family cry as i take my last breath. I want to laugh and see people being mad at me for not having feelings for other. I don't care if you care for me and I don't care if you cry after I die. I don't know how to get into someones situation and I am not able to figure out how people feel. I don't know how to understand it when you tell me that you're sad. I may look like I am trying my best to make you happy but I am trying to figure out how you feel instead. I don't understand feelings. I don't understand myself. I learned to fit in by imitating the feelings, but I never know how they feel.

Author's Note

Please don't mind my grammar and my spelling and be aware that this is about suicide thoughts

Reviews

[Vasi Isaac Masia (Ake)]

This is so brutal and painful. I understand the grounds you are standing on I just lost a dear friend who committed suicide and some of your lines speaks more of him. There are things that mouth cant say it so well but the heart does through writing. I hope every one who is through hard situations finds peace somewhere and realize life is worth living despite...

[mattavelli]

Hello, Kai! :)
The description really grabbed my attention.
I think you need to be more selfish. Humans are at the top of the food chain; own your spot.