Fragile Stance

A poem on debating an impossible ideal. "Tiptoes resent their fragile stance..."

Fragile Stance

Tiptoes resent
their fragile stance
as they walk over
bold, bright reds

that scald their wooden thoughts.

Ashes are chased
as they blow in no wind
to flee from the fire
that burned them.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is welcome, I want to get better. Please be as harsh as you want.

Reviews

[Poeticpiers]

interesting piece of writing delivered in free form poetic prose Not my favourite form of writing Im afraid i much prefer form poetry. I found it to be somewhat ambiguous I was not quite sure what your message was .Of course that may be down to me

[Emily Rose]

Very interesting and original! The metaphor is a cool one to explore, although I'm not quite sure that I understand it well enough. I'm a little confused how the tiptoes are "walking" too - one does not normally "walk" on one's toes, one tiptoes on them. Is there another verb you could replace here? I get the image of feet walking on hot coals, but I'm having a little trouble figuring out how feet are able to think. I think I can almost grasp what you're saying, but not quite. What's the story, really? Can you explain it?

[Gandré]

But this is wonderful, no criticism needed. I adore the brevity. "that scald their wooden thoughts."-----------this is so brilliant, unworn, original! Loved your sweetness poem. meaningful thought, it says me about someone who saved himself and survived.. (thank you also for reading/liking my small poem.) Gandr�

[Caleb Boese]

Concise, and well-played. I adore the "fragile stance" walking over the "wooden thoughts" idea.
Overall, very good. I'd like to hear more from you.