BABE

like a rollin river, goin off into the distance, yea, just like the waves crishing on to the side, my momma will come home one day, yea, where the wishes are floating on by, years of untold stories and lies, yet full of the want to let go, so let it roll, roll on away, down the river, far away, so when my baby comes home, she will give me that sweet love, oh baby, come a little closer, where the break of dawn will come soon, and i shall be on my way, through the window again, and off into the distance, i blow the kiss of return, but know deep within, my heart is going to heaven, i will see you babe, on the other side, where the rivers keep rollin, where the music sounds around the air all day, where i will sing, and roll on down this river, on through life, goodbye babe.

Reviews

[SpokenWord]

You do love your run on sentences. I am actually getting use to it now, and how it flows as one though spoken in one breath. It's hard when we are separated from a true love like this and you know you have to travel to them to be reunited one day. Makes the remainder days on earth long and hard.

[Cassiopia Summers]

This is a beautiful rhythmic piece. (: Great write. (:

[Kathy]

Your thoughts are very beautiful and your rhythm is good. However, where are the stanzas? The breaks in the line? Full on paragraphs with poems or stories deter people from reading, actually. So, maybe add in breaks, press the "enter" button and allow stanzas to flow the writing. That'll get even more people to read your writing.

[Aly Jones]

I like it. It was a little confusing, but good.

[Holly O'Brien]

I like it!! simple romance and heartbreak....in other words he's moving on lol :)....good write

[[Rampant♍ Rapture..]

I love this...

[cfix]

this is so wonderful, it has lyrical quality to it. Amazing!!!

[alice]

I agree with FyreHeart for the most part, it would be good if it was reorganized into what the norms think is structured, but it's your style and if it works, it works.
I also think the intro should use some revamping, it feels like I just stumbled upon the middle of an unfinished piece.

[Mason]

was this written as a song? it flows very nicely. well done

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

This could be a song, it read so beautifully!

[Linzey]

i like the poem and its words. I like even more how it captures the happiness and the sadness in life and love.