EVERYTHING IS OK

anyone can use this to interpret another, yea go head and get angry, get confused in the deepness of my world, i consume all, devour and breath, you think im the unborn truth, forced to lie, forced to conserve the unknown, you cant begin to understand, you cant begin to know, that i, am the new the legend of a far away truth, let me wrap my arms and begin, you would feel me, you wont begin to know, this is it, believe me, its ok, live, for life will keep coming, we all will rest in the end, we all will awake in the end, for truth always comes, in the end.

Reviews

[Doreen]

There's a chaotic feel to the read that I like. I think the overuse of commas takes away from what you're doing. The block form works. I do wonder why there is no capitalization; nor is there punctuation other than the commas and the final period. im should be I'm. Breath should be breathe. deepness? Is there such a word? Depth would work much better. cant should be can't. etc.. Also, "let me wrap my arms" - are you wrapping them up in something, such as gauze? Or are the arms wrapping around something, such as a person? This should be made more clear. All in all I like the vibe of this. It makes one think.

[Stacey]

Live, Feel, Embrace and Dance on your journey. That's my motto. Loved the way you structured this write!

[.]

a rant like introspective piece..interesting thoughts

[cfix]

mmm K this is different and quite interesting. Like it tough

[Angela O.]

very interesting :)

[underwriter]

another good write! you write with such depth!

[Randolf Ramos]

wisdom tested in a lifetime

[Erotic Goddess]

I agree with the feedback from Dr. Robert. The content is good...I just think the presentation could be more powerful.

xxoxx

[Dr. Robert]

Another strong piece Brian. Excellent job. This one I felt would probably have benefited from breaks in the cadence, making each statement just that much strong, i.e.

I consume all,
Devour and breath.
You think I'm the unborn true?
Forced to lie.
Forced to..... etc. etc.

Other than that, it comes off as a really strong poem, different from the hundreds of others because you use very distinct vocabulary in it. Most crap poetry on here goes like;

I wish you were here.
Loving you is pain.
IM SORRY!

you know, emo crap like that! But you easily avoided your piece from becoming that and I applaud you good sir!

[BLACKCRUSH]

Fantastic write , truly unique . It had a nice menacing overtone to it .

[Dream Slave]

Nice... I have thought this before... to me is just one of those things that I rather keep inside. Lies just hide a distant truth... which can't be reached until a person is honest with themselves.