Gay Men Got It Made!!!

Women suck!! They are so bi-polar and frustrating!!! I swear to God if men were headless, had breasts, a VaJay, and a nice a*s, I would be gay!!!!

"You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b***h and I tell you when you are a pain in the a*s! Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings! You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-a*s thing!" 

                                Noah from the movie "The Notebook" 

 

Gay Men

     

Got It Made!!!!!

 

      by Bridgey "YouLookFabulous!!" Crewe

 

"Baby, what's on your

mind?"

 "Boy, where the hell

             you been?"

 

"Oh my God,

                         who is this b***h

 sitting on top

          of your chin!?!?"

 

 

Yeah, she at it again

and I need to be saved

And for this, I swear to God……

GAY MEN GOT IT MADE!!             

 

I just wanna watch the game without using my brain but that's when, you enter in & say the same damn thang that you said, early today & now I silently pray, that you finish in time before my team runs the next play!

 

Begin my, funeral arranging,

           contact my next of kin

I'm HOPING that's the case,

          Since I'm CHOKING on estrogen!

 

Lord, please take me today,

      or at least make me gay

 I'm just a suicide away

From us having this talk, face-to-face

 

 If men are from Mars

 Women are from

on Top of Mars'

Nerves!

With Kryptonite embedded

          in the throes of their curves

 

 Men are slaves to your RHYTHM

& the dirty attention you give’em!!

That’s why we "zombie" towards the corridors

Of monogamy with’em

But then, the women change

& the RHYTHM just ain’t the same

Now the dirty attention we got

Are distant memories in our brain!

First they, want you to leave,

then cry when you don't stay

They don't wanna give you sex

& get pissed when you masturbate!

 

**Sigh**....I need an aspirin the size of a plate

 To combat this.... exasperating headache of a mate!

 

gay men got it made!

Cause when men talk, they only say,

Who/ What/ When/ Where /and Why

Thing/ Person/ or Place

 

Men keep it short & really simple

        when we have something to say

Not a two-hour sermon when someone asks

  "How was your day?"

 

BUT I'M A SLAVE! 

I’m a SLAVE TO THEIR.....

       FEMININE WAYS!

Addicted to their charms

And "girly parts" that I crave

 

I just need a deaf, mute

robotic Beyonce'

With attention-deficit

who can cook like Rachel Ray!

Who really knows what she wants

before she goes to say...

        

"I want this."

But what she means, is

"I want this.....today."

  Because tomorrow she’ll want "that"

and so now you gotta change,

until she wants back the "this"

SHE HAD THE DAY

BEFORE YESTERDAY!!

 

I swear to Christ,

    I can't stand you!

You beautiful, sexy, bi-polar mind, fine, but so blind cause you can't drive, shopping all the damn time, feminine, sensual, gorgeous individual, with your dimples, that I'm in to, Goddess of my body's temple, you temper-tantrum professional, wallpaper changing, furniture rearranging, constantly complaining, forcing me to watch your stupid "Lifetime" movie specials, you special ed. needing, breathing "thorn in my lower regions",

I love you til I die, and I guess that's the reason......

 

I can't be gay......

With women,

you take the good with the bad

But I guess I'll just metaphorically

"Take it up the a*s!"

 

Author's Note

Yeah I said it!!!!! So?!?!?! Women suck!!! I said it! Gay men got it made!!! Yes! Women drive me completely crazy and if I were gay, I wouldn't have to deal with em!
But in all seriousness, I know there's no more drama with gay couples, but I just used the title to express my own frustration right now with a certain someone(SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!). I did this out of fun and I hope you digs.....


**1/30/09** Okay, this needs to be said apparently from some of the notes I'm getting. I have gay relatives and my best male friend is gay. No one argues that a homosexual lifestyle is a difficult one, even today. And I am as accepting a person of EVERYONE that you will find! This poem isn't to mock, but it's simply saying that dealing and being involved with other men is easier than dealing with women! It's done in fun and in parody. I never once even dipped into describing what it's like to be in a gay relationship rather than to poke fun at my own frustrations with women.

Reviews

[THE LOST ROSE]

Okay bro! You know you got a great poem when two people on this site stop in the middle of reading your poem (at two different locations) to text one another about how good it is. Man my stomach hurt! I needed that laugh in the worst way. I am marking this one down because I got a few friends who fit this perfectly and when I read them this poem I hope they get a message. Standing "O" after my stomach stop hurting and I wipe away the tears of laughter.

[x]

yeah they do except for all the nasty A*S SEX lol but hey we would not be here if it were not for women!

[passion]

I got a good laugh out of this one! Me personally, I have quite a few gay friends so I know for fact that with all of the "much" that we women give, you wouldn't trade us for the world. I might just have to write the comeback to this one, Bridgey...entertaining all the same.

[EmpressPoetess]

AWWW, you been burned now you vent. Believe me, Gay men have the same problems; one is masculine, the other is feminine and just as needy as a woman! So, if you haven't been there, don't review that book before you read it, lol! A fun write, indeed! You still have to have one of us, don't you Lefty? a soft warm female, smiling, offering, yielding, that mystery, that drama, and the only place you get a taste of PARADISE!

Empress

[Plexiglass]

I cant say I'm in love with the presentation and the different changes in font, I dunno i just feel like the text should speak for itself without the aide of fonts. But hey its online and its more or less a fun poem. I think the tone is consistent and has the feel of comedy stand up in poem form and i liked that. I guess it was really sexist but it was self aware and whenever you have something like this holding back is only going to hurt what you're trying to do. So you go for it and I admire it. I like the part about the deaf, mute beyonce. Somethings I would change, I would clean up the poem and maybe a smaller font and more organized stanzas, I would take the sigh out, you spelled masturbate wrong, i would go with less ellipses or at least and you can mix it up with dashes and the like. I dunno I liked it, it was funny and rang true to me in spots and im sure it will offend some women and some gay people and there isnt anything wrong with that.

[Zatoichi]

you have a real way with the spoken word. i would love to see you onstage one day.
this poem is very funny, although some of the laughs are dependent on stereotypes, the truth is in there. you've got a natural way with rhyme. Z

[Str8jacket]

I never saw the poem as meaning to be offensive. I believe that if you can't look at things from all angles than it's a waste of a read, this was meant to be funny. And as a female I could choose to be mad or offended, but seriously? No one can say that you don't have a point because there are females just like that all over. Females can be nagging and annoying, we need to own up to it, lol. But I can say this: I believe a lot of the time males and females don't get along because we misinterpret each other. For example, sometimes guys don't want to talk about their feelings and then the girls are just looking to see if they care, but the girls don't think they know the right way to ask and say something strange and the guys just look at them like they're crazy. It happens. This is the truth: we both drive each other completely insane and that's usually because we care about each other so much it makes us feel crazy and we don't know how to talk to each other. I swear, just ask whatever you wanna know straight out. It makes it a lot easier. The poem overall was hilarious and I can see it as something most of my guy friends can relate to. Poor things.

[Kathryn Star, Shine!]

yeah, women are moody, but they aren't the same as men. As you pointed out, it's the estrogen. It's also a way how men and women communicate. Men want yes or no answers while women want a full explaination as to everything. That's why women take care of the children, cause kids are just as bad. They pull at your leg while you're talking on the telephone asking if they should play with Ken or Barbie or if they can eat playdough. Hey, all women aren't the same, just like men; it's just how we see each other and know that God made us different for a reason. lol ks

[perfectlymetiKulous]

LMAO...
Nothing made me angry about any of it. I loved it. I actually did laugh out loud.
I feel your pain. I cause your pain, when I think about it, but I still feel you. LOL.

[Xeru]

I understand the frustration of not having the answers for the opposite sex man... You get to the point where its like... Mannnnnnnnnnnn... It shouldnt be this hard... But the flow the pauses and the content in this joint is just so sick... This stanza right here pretty much just wraps it up for me...


I just wanna watch the game without using my brain but that's when, you enter in & say the same damn thang you said, earlier today & now I silently pray, that you finish in time before my team runs the next play!

That was freakin beautiul... The directness the truth the honesty the realness... ahhhhhhhh that captured this whole joint from the perspective of the male point of view in almost entirety. BUT I'M A SLAVE!

SLAVE TO THEIR.....FEMININE WAYS!

Addicted to their charms

And "girly parts", that I crave



I just need a deaf, mute, robotic Beyonce'

With attention deficit

And can cook like Rachel Ray

Got damn you'za bad muthafucka Bridge...lmao I can't take it hahahahahahahahaha

[Mason Vail]

HAHA! Wow. Wow, again. Even at my most frustrated, I don't think I could ever totally let loose like that but, MAN...

Yeah!

Way to capture the impotent frustration married to the absolute certainty that you can't walk away. The good news, for me at least, is that the frustration inevitably gives way to appreciation.

:)