My Heart Bleeds

..... It speaks for itself.......

Damn it!

What the f**k is her problem?

She's a good person, I know.

She loves me, I know.

But she has no f*****g right to say that s**t!

 

You're useless!

You're stupid!

You're selfish!

You're anorexic!

You're a smart a*s!

You're worthless!

 

What gives her the right,

Who f*****g died and gave her the right,

To vent her rage on me?

 

When I'm gone, she'll know!

She'll realize that she needs me!

And when she never sees me again,

She'll know it is her damn fault!

 

........

 

Or maybe she is right.

Maybe I am a useless piece of s**t,

And I deserve die and rot in Hell.

 

No!

That can't be right!

I can't change the past!

I can't control everything!

I am not all-f*****g-powerful!

I AM NOT PERFECT!!!

 

Why do I have to be perfect?

Aren't I enough?

Am I really that bad that I need to be changed?

Am I like my mother?

 

NO!

I am not like her!

I am not like my father either!

I AM ME!

 

Why aren't I enough?

Is she so blind that she can't see my tears?

Is she so deaf that she can't hear my screams of pain?

She knows she is killing me,

Probably faster than anyone thinks,

But she doesn't change!

Its the same s**t,

Over and over,

Being dumped on my unprotected head!

 

AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!

 

I'm locked in this cage,

Chained to this wall,

Trapped for longer than I can stand!

 

Please!

Mercy!

I can't take much more!

I can't!

 

My soft heart bleeds!

I can't stop the flow!

Soon it will be too late!

 

My heart bleeds,

And soon there will be no more blood left.

My soul will die,

My heart wither,

And I will be lost!

 

I wish I had a light,

A bright person who could save me,

A knight in shining armor to carry me away,

But this isn't an era of fairy tales.

My hope is killed as soon as it is born.

 

My heart bleeds out,

Slowly but surely,

And one day it will be too late.

 

No one can save me now.

Author's Note

Yup, just like "Ruined."

Reviews

[A.r. Bazian]

u'r none of that!
ur an angel! and thats a fact!
you're burr the story sorceress
you build ur future, of the ruins of your past!
you're an angel...
i know that!
but as you said dear, mistakes are a must
but trust, none of it would last!
stick there hun, u've already made me proud
i know when i see you, i can set off a crowd!
youre a blessing for everyone's life
you should handle them as they take you
they love for what you have!
you're an angel, and proof, i do have!
look deep into the mirror...
you'll see it through!
:)

[Lee E. Powell]

This was awesome, it speaks on so many levels. I agree with Mugetsu, those people are most always feeling useless and worthless themselves. So many parents use their children to vent their troubles on and have no idea the damage they are doing.

[BenightedWhispers]

I completely agree with you. No one has the right to push someone down. I love the strong emotion and the exclamation points. They really help set the mood for this poem. A friend of mine once said to me, " If someone calls you worthless, or makes you feel worthless, they are just in pain and want someone else to feel worthless." Like the saying, "If I'm going down you're going down with me." This brought up a lot of memories for me. Good times like when I faced the butcher's of my souls that threatened to throw me in the Lake of Loneliness once more. Bad times when I cringe and hide from one simple name. The one who ruined my soul and stole my confidence. The one name that bullied me oh too often, and turned the entire school on me. Trust me it got so bad that younger kids...as yopung as 1st grade, started to pick on me too. The teachers got in on the fun too. All because of that one name...the name that will forever haunt me. Well that was pointless to talk about. Anyway fantastric write. I really enjoyed it.