My secret room

This was something that came from a confusion of emotions I was having at a certain point in my life

Those tears you never saw are all stored in an empty room,
Your picture's been knocked down by the water.
And pieces of the wall have been left on the floor waiting to be swept by a broom,
The broom sits in the corner, but no hands have ever touched it's edge,
for no human being has ever brought the key to this place.
So it sits alone, with damages on the door,
by those who have tried to come in,
They left ice that instead of melting stayed frozen with time,
instead of helping, they vandalize this room,
now full of tears, drowning even the light of the moon.
Who will figure out a way to get in without swallowing the pain or adding to the grief?
Who will bring the key but won't just be another thief?
All they need to know is exactly where to start,
and I have no doubt they will find a way into this cold room I call my heart.

Author's Note

What do you think? It's a bit choppy, but ehh poetry is about expressing yourself, right? :)

Reviews

[lovejulez03]

"Who will bring the key but won't just be another thief?" This line really moved me. I feel that everyone can understand this at some point. You did a fantastic job with painting of imagery and pouring your emotion into this poem. The honesty was touching. I hardly ever give advice on poetry because I have yet to finish editing any of mine. I can see how it's choppy but that can be fixed when you have the time or when it strikes you. Sometimes even adding a couple words here and there and taking a couple words away, along with laying it out differently can make a world of difference. Again though... I enjoyed it and I could feel it and that is the best type of poetry! You have talent.. keep writing and keep sharing :)

[Barbara Gutierrez]

Yes, this was defenitely written during an emotional time in my life, many people don't understand this poem but I'm glad you did :D thank you

[Chas. R. Lionheart]

This piece paints a beautiful picture in my mind. The emotion is portrayed very nicely. I look forward to seeing more of your work on here. :)

[Barbara Gutierrez]

You will see more :) thank you

[emmajoy]

Yes, it is a little choppy, free verse it might be but still needs some careful shaping and recognisable metre. However, HOWEVER, you write with amazing emotion and a true skill with words, you're not afraid to speak out, to use phrases with a distinct direction. You're obviously inspired by something special. I truly look forward to reading lots more of you writing.

[Barbara Gutierrez]

Thanks :) that means alot to me!

[emmajoy]

You're very welcome. :)

[Sami Khalil]

This poem has some great lines ...I like it all though...Thank you for sharing...:)

[Barbara Gutierrez]

Thank you for reviewing :D

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[Cool Handless Luke]

absolutely...i mean you could touch it up or refine it a bit but being real and pouring your heart out on the page is what real poetry is about to me. some people here will be quick to criticize grammar or spelling or punctuation. i have even has someone complain because i added a break between a quote and my poem (which i did to keep them from running together) and instruct me on what font to use. it's about being real and honest even to the point that it makes you vulnerable.

Who will figure out a way to get in without swallowing the pain or adding to the grief?
Who will bring the key but won't just be another thief?
All they need to know is exactly where to start,
and I have no doubt they will find a way into this cold room I call my heart.

very vivid imagery here with great questioning. you should post more i think. i will read and send some writers your way if you would like.

[Barbara Gutierrez]

Yeah I've had people (not on here) criticize the same thing with me, but they don't understand poetry comes from the heart, not from a dictionary or a text book. and thank you so much! I appreciate it, I will post more, I have notebooks haha

[Barbara Gutierrez]

"Drowning even the light of the moon" not my best line, I just noticed :P