The Begining

A generalised poem to portray some kind of description of where i originated

The Begining

 

A women lay exhausted

a single tear leaks down her face

she sighs and sinks into her skin

as im welcomed to this place

my eyes struggle to open

the lights the blind my sight

a man bends down and hugs me

he's stare torn betwen excitment and fright

im stolen from her loving arms

and washed untill im clean

i kick my legs and scream out loud

for her arms i am a fein

but she doesnt come to rescue

she just lays there in her bed

why did she let them take me,

and pour water on my head?

but eventually i am given back

to that man i met before

his arms are strong and warm like hers

so i retire and resort to snores.

Reviews

[Lorraine Pearson]

Oh how I ache for the newborn...and still we do NOTHING!!! What a way to welcome an infant after such trauma. Realistic piece. Thank you for sharing.
~L

[lori c]

though there a few grammatical/spelling clean ups to be made, i love this ... such a unique and fresh perspective. if only all of our stresses in life could be calmed by one reassuring hug. could they ?? the ending is heartwarming. thanks for sharing this.

[Flow]

Oh to be a baby again, and live the life of blissful love! this is wonderful and I can feel a baby thinking all this and wodering what is going on but then, not worrying about it because mommy and daddy both feel good~ Excellent!

[Barbara Walker]

THIS IS SUCH A CUTE POEM! WRITING FROM A NEWBORN'S PERSPECTIVE IS UNIQUE AND YOU DID A VERY GOOD JOB. YOUR RHYME'S ARE GREAT! IT READS WELL AND THE TONE IS PERFECT. THE ONLY SUGGESTION I HAVE IS TO PROOF READ FOR SPELLING ERRORS. IT WAS A PLEASURE TO READ. BARBARA

[Collette]

haha what a cute poem. Something different. :) Thanks for sharing.

[J.e. Doherty]

Ah, being born - I remember it well.

Found a typo the lights the (that) blind my sight

The last line might work better as so i retire and softly snore. It makes the rhyme work better.


Jeff