Empty Shadows #38

“Death twitches my ear; 'Live,' he says... 'I'm coming.” ― Virgil

Empty Shadow Thirty-Eight

Draft 1

By: Chase L. Currie

 

In decrepit times the fog hid monsters

In this time the fog hides my headlights

They hissed through the ghostly cloak

Spurting along the road to nothing

An emptiness is all that waits

To a point where the loneliness

Has numbed me

Like a winter’s kiss

My aching boot pushes faster

Trying to out dash the pills

Rushing to hold your ghost - tonight

The Reaper Man sits next to me

Flicks a cig out the cracked window

Letting me gasp for life

He frowns with poet eyes

And asked

                                ‘Did you live?’ 

Reviews

[Lisasview]

Interesting read and I see this is Draft one..
Are you working on this?
I do like the use of metaphors..
I can tell you enjoy telling stories.
Not sure if you want any constructive criticism or not.. But if you are working on this then my first thought is that the first two lines begin with, In.... perhaps leave the In off the second sentence.. I think it would make that line more powerful.. Just my opinion.
I believe this is my second read of your works...
lisa

[CLCurrie]

I am always down for constructive criticism, how else are we going to grow in this craft? Oh, I like that idea a lot better for the second line. I knew something, was off with the beginning.
The problem I have with my poetry is it is merely an outlet for me and what I'm feeling. So, sometimes, I tend to write and go back to months, if not years later.
But I like to put online in the moment to get some good free back. Thank you, so much.

[Lisasview]

I work and reword my poems so I understand..
I played around with your poem and also thought about leaving the In out from the first sentence.
I try to leave out repetitive words when writing..Often this is hard to do..
Lisa