Sad Lonely Eyes

The eyes walked around alone,
And hid from their companions.
The deepness in them glazed over,
With a dead lifeless stare.
Such sadness they beheld,
And a weight so heavy.
They never could see another,
Pair just like them.
…They were sad, lonely eyes.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think! All feedback appreciated!

Reviews

[JayG]

• "The eyes walked around alone,"

Eyes have legs? Seriously?

For you who have intent for the meaning of the line, this may work. For the reader? Nor a clue of how eyes can walk.

There's LOT more to poetry than the poet talking to the reader. After all, they've been refining and expanding the skills of poetry for centuries. Why not take advantage of that to learn what works and what doesn't? It certainly beats trying to reinvent the profession from scratch.

The kind of writing skills you learned in school are meant to make you useful to an employer, and they need reports, letters, and other NONFICTION applications. So the skills of nonfiction are all outside in, where the dispassionate voice of a narrator talks TO the reader—which you do in all your work. But can the reader know the emotion that YOU would place into the narrator's voice? Nope. For the reader it's a text-to-speech voice

Informative? Yes. Entertaining? No. But...people come to poetry to be made to feel and care, not learn what's on the poet's mind. They want to be entertained.

So, try a few chapters of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook for fit. It's filled with little gems of knowledge.

https://dokumen.pub/a-poetry-handbook-0156724006.html

[Caoilte Setanta]

Thank you for the feedback and suggested reading.