Long Ago

I've not written a poem in a long while, so this is my attempt to get back into it. Just a little thing about life and war.

I stop here in a field
That once was full of life
I stop here in that field
That is now wrought with strife

I look to my feet
I witness the ground
So I now ask
Just to hear a sound

Whose tears dot the dirt around my feet?
They cannot be mine
For I cried my last years ago
As my wife died upon my absence

Whose blood stain the dirt around my feet?
It cannot be mine
For I bleed no more
As I have finished my fight

Whose heart lies broken in the dirt around my feet?
It cannot be mine
For I lost mine long ago
When my home was burnt to cinders

Whose sorrow fills the dirt around my feet?
It cannot be mine
For I lost my sorrow long ago
When my last friend died in my arms

So last I ask, whose life lies in the dirt at my feet?
It cannot be mine
For I lost that in the war
Long, long ago

Author's Note

Feedback of any kind is nice.

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

Second stanza exceeds the first by far. So glad you got"Whose" right. It's almost always wrong in every amateur poem I have read this week. "Cinders" defeats the beat. It halts flow and distracts me every time I internally pronounce it with a tap. The question posed in the last stanza is so profound I could try to answer it and hate you for getting it stuck in my head. Ahhh. The war line and the long ago ending is just beautiful D@mn.

[Wolfhilde]

Oh, this is breathtaking, beautiful and yet so sad, full of sorrow. The man in the poem is strong, he has no fear, but the same time he is dying from the pain he feels in he's heart ( which he already lost years ago). Wonderfull piece!

[MOON]

Poignant write , futility of war.

[Aeternal Oceanfire]

WOW!!! Why are there no comments!!!??? This is amazing! So beautiful, deep, and wise. It's terrible, truly terrible what war can do to people. Just look at the people of Baciadeth! (of course you can't, Baciadeth only exists in my head) Wonderful!