Bad love

Poem written in 1994 with a re-write

                        
    


                         Bad love

I felt the darkness of the night overtaking the lights of the day. Stealing away the gentleness that is left in me. The once sweet memories had turn to a cancer. Eating away at my heart and mind. Leaving a soul-less man till nothing matters anymore.

I poured the tequila into my coffee cup, cut the lemons into pieces and pray for the night to be kind to me. I drank the tequila and allowed the lemon to quiet the burn. I hope the tequila can quiet the memories of your beautiful face. I may even smiled and laughed, but I'm dead. You can't raise the dead.  In the real life. Death of heart and need is the real peace for a man who wanted everything and nothing.

Sometime women faces danced in my head. Can't remember their names but their lips and touch are permanent tattoos on my body. In sweet dreams I whispered names of faces lost in time and space. Just memories to make me know. I was alive once.

I would do the drugs, but I would see too much than. I don't want to see the beaten man. Standing alone and looking for forgiveness that can't be found.

The bars and the taverns have became my place of worship. The hundred bottles of alcohol drank by me allowed me to find slow suicide. Pretty woman told me. "You must lose the sadness." I told her. You are okay when you feel alone and safe. I like the peace of no emotions and forgetting who I'm. The cancer of disappointment left me to a dead-end. Ain't nothing left except to wait for the undertaker.

She whispered. "The world is a beautiful place. Life isn't slow death by drink and disappointment." I told her. The world can be a beautiful place, but beautiful things loses their glow. Become used and abused. I have know a million kisses deep and embraced angels and devils. I learn most of us need too much or too little. I looked her eyes and I kissed her forehead. I told her. Leave the graveyard Poet alone. I will teach you to be dirty with hate and disappointment. No clean people in the dark tavern Honey. In the dark taverns. Just us waiting for the Devil to set us free.

Please Honey, find the light of hope. No hope in the tequila and wasted words by a dead man walking.

                              John Castellenas/Coyote

Author's Note

A poem written in 1994 with a re-write.

Reviews

[jesserose99]

sometimes some of us have dual natures...where the darkness is walking our halls...but we can't help but still find grace and beauty. Your words to me spoke of a deeply broken heart. one that thinks it can never be repaired...and perhaps those that they wish to find the 'light of hope', see this heart, and want to help the ache but simply don't have the tools to.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. Sometime we walk into the fire and we know, we shall get burn. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[Ruth]

I always find something of extreme value within your writing...wisdom and true, tangible emotions...excellent :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear friend. The bad part. I do miss the taverns. Always felt at home in a good Irish Pub.

[Ruth]

Something about a good ole fashioned pub...not the same these days lol

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. I like the old days when we had conversations.

[abderrahmane dakir]

I like it so mush. I'm agree with you. No thing stays beautiful forever, we change even with it. However the birds, bleu ocean.....created remain the same. We keep a hope to live in peaceful way. Thank you for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you abd for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.

[Mark]

A great poem about Despair. When we don't have hope, we have to replace it with something or the pain can overwhelm us. Great work my friend.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Mark. I appreciate the comment.

[...]

John, you always write so deeply, and with a romantic heart, whether sad or happy, it's always romantic :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Lynn. Sometime romantic?

[annalysiar]

This piece is good, I liked it the honesty of a broken heart. Great write

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading. Best poetry and tale. When life test us.

[annalysiar]

Too true thank you for sharing I'm glad I got to read it

[Willard Wells]

" I may even smiled and laughed," to " I may even smile and laugh,"

Dark and sad of love not meant to be.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Willard. I was reading my old 22 year journals. I found this one. Army days and drinking.

[Mary]

A most amazing write! Very moving- I can smell the darkness of the soul and taste the tequila! I agree with Mari- just a couple of tense agreement needed and I think "than" needs to be changed to then.(but I would see too much than)

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Mary for reading and the help. I do appreciate.

[Mari K]

I like this piece. My only real critique would be your tense. It makes the piece more real of you stay in the present or in the past when describing things. For instance
"I poured the tequila into my coffee cup.... pray for the night to be kind to me". I would stick in the present with this sentence and say " pour" because that makes us feel the moment. Other than that, it's good.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Mari. I will repair now.