I hope I make it till the Spring..

Old poem with a re-write.

I hope I make it till the Spring…

A Poem by Coyote Poetry

 A old poem. I learn I wasn’t important after second brother committed suicide in 1989. I learn to be kind to friends and family. Silence is better then speaking negative words. 

                       I hope I make it till the Spring…

I hope I make it till the Spring.
The Spring is when the world comes alive.
When the Winter days fade away to memories and
warm days heat up the hearts and dreams.

Yesterday the cold of Winter was for us to hold on tighter,
to keep each other warm, but somehow life had become a
search for a reasons to be alive.

I looked into the past, but I don’t feel hope.
I saw the many mistakes made and
I can see the many beautiful moment too and
I feel the beautiful moments, they haunt me more than the bad.

I remember when life was easy.
All dreams were in reach.
Today I feel that my life has become a useless journey.
Just aiming at useless dreams, not needing affection.
Like love creates more pain than sweetness.

Where do you look to bring laughter where there is only sadness?
Where do you find smiles when life becomes only a journey toward death?

Am I a coward?
Because I fear tomorrow.
Am I the cause of my own pain?

I feel I have chosen my journey.
For I have touched the pinnacle of love,
reached power and money but I was never complete.
I never found happiness.

Maybe I chose the wrong direction.
I wish to be born anew.

I know only I can open the door to love and forgiveness.
I must find new dreams and hope.

Where do I begin?

I seen to fall on the same path. Money and work.
I don’t need friendship and I don’t even need the gentleness
of a woman touch.

Am I pass the road to know happiness?
Can I find the thirst to be happy?
Is it too late to learn to love?
I don’t know if I have any desire left.

In the Spring.

Maybe I will feel strong again.
Feel the energy of hope.
Maybe the warm days of Spring will rebirth the desire
to love and know laughter again.

In the Spring.
I will find hope again.

                     Coyote
                  John Castellenas

Author's Note

Thank you for reading.

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

John,

Life is a journey that does not come without pain, that cannot be savored without suffering adversity, that cannot be enjoyed to the fullest without having had that nothing's emptiness of loss ... Wonderful thoughts set to pen of page, here John ... I do know something of loss, emptiness, purposelessness, regrets, and memories that can never be relived again ...

Marve

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Marvin. After two suicide of brothers in 1988 and 1989. I learn to be kinder.

[Dave Brown]

They are quite humorous, those season thingies
I think Spring is the big winner, although I really enjoy a colorful fall,
But! when I am knee deep on the roof, shoveling endless snow, in the middle of a frigid winter storm, all I want is some hot summer beach weather!
Then, come middle of summer, and a three month super drought, heat dome, dumps on us, frying everything in sight and I am drowning in sweat, I'd love to go winter down hilling with the gang, on a big old sled
Never completely happy

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the Spring and the Summer Dave. I live in Michigan. The days of Winter can be ugly and thank you for reading and the comment.

[anne]

Oh CP, how are you? I have missed your poetry all these years. 💜

This is such a beautiful piece and I stand by this desire, these trials to find happiness, you will...you will ..spring is near, keep the hopes alive!

Always loved to read your poetry, happy to be here again!

[Coyote Poetry]

Hello dear Anne and thank you for reading and the comment.

[anne]

Always!:) ...

[Patricia Wedel]

dear John... we could dedicate the rest of our Life to encouraging the young children to create a place to reach others. They say "it is in Giving that we Receive. Life is difficult at times. I believe Poetry can be encouraging for every one...great and small. Amen... Pat

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree dear Pat. This poem remind me to listen and be kind. People need kindness, not naysayers. Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment.

[Soren]

The cycle of the seasons gives different views and desires. Beyond this the cycle of the years leads to even different views and desires. Age is supposed to bring wisdom but sometimes brings regrets. With any good fortune it also brings hope. Nicely expressed Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Soren for reading and the comment. I do agree. After a cold Winter. The warm days of Spring, awake our mind.

[Einstein Noodle]

such an outpouring of the soul, John ... it is tender in the vulnerability .. hard times get harder sometimes and we have to search for the way to cope .. "Yesterday the cold of Winter was for us to hold on tighter," is the thread is see in this that gave strength to your family .. the loss of 2 must have been dreadful ... even tho years have passed since .. i am sorry for your loss my friend .. truly sorry .. in the deep of despair we cry out and Father God hears .. oh yes He does my friend .. my own depth involved other pains but they were well deep enough for me .. we do get through .. thanks so much for posting this from your archives .. i had not read the original .. so glad to have not missed this time around .. wonderful heart felt poetry Coyote Man!
E.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Einstein for reading and the comment. We must learn what is right and what is right. Now I choose kindness.

[Einstein Noodle]

me too ... it takes so much less energy ;)............

[Melinda McQueen]

Such a moving piece.

All was great but especially enjoyed the ending.


Maybe I will feel strong again.
Feel the energy of hope.
Maybe the warm days of Spring will rebirth the desire
to love and know laughter again.

In the Spring.
I will find hope again.

Awwwww

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Melinda. I appreciate the comment my dear friend.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

We can learn a lot from Spring, because just like this poem conveys times are dark now. If we can only learn to better better versions of ourselves instead of falling for our worse qualities. A lot of truth in this piece my friend.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Carlos. I agree. The Spring is the rebirth of life and hope.

[Chris Shaw]

This is quite a haunting write of a soul in despair. After such sadness and grief it can be difficult to pick the pieces up again. But it can be done and life can become worth living again and laughter can return even when it seems hopeless. Beautifully conveyed Coyote. I see that it is a rewrite of earlier work. Thank you for sharing this heart stirring piece.

Chris

[Coyote Poetry]

I am re-doing all my stories and books. 2500 plus to edit. One last book to edit and I am done with the old stuff. "Twisted city" is a hard one. 200 pages needing a edit. Thank you dear Chris for reading and the comment.

[Chris Shaw]

You are very welcome and good luck with all that editing Coyote.

[Stella Armour]

Every day is a new beginning ....
every day we can start again ...
I can understand the feeling of worthlessness John when grief is still haunting you ...

[Coyote Poetry]

A very old poem dear Stella. Written in 1989. I joined a war to forget. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[Stella Armour]

One harrowing experience to replace another ...
Oh John thank goodness you had the strength of character to weather all this and come out of it undamaged my friend ..

[Coyote Poetry]

A hard lesson learned dear Stella.

[Stella Armour]

Very hard John , much more than the average person could endure ..

[W. Barrett Munn]

This is excellent John. One of the keys to Shakespeare’s greatness is that in his best work you were there with the character as he worked his way through his thoughts. You have done the same and it brings this piece to life.

Winston

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Winston. I appreciate the kind and generous words. A very old poem. A hard lesson was learned.