God wasn't on your side..

For my brothers. Gone too soon.

God was never on your side..

I wrote into many journals. B******s like me, can’t feel and they don’t know fear.

I never had a heart till it was too late. Too late for kind words, too late for forgiveness.

Men who love drink, adventure and war. One day. They will learn.

You are alone.

My second brother committed suicide in 1989 and I learn too late.

God wasn’t on their sides. They saw only s**t and more s**t.

They depended on drugs to stay alive and one day.

Drugs could not save them. The cold world scared them to seeking death.

Many times in my life. I heard the whispers. Death is sweet, death is sweet.

Life is bullshit. I was the angry man and I told death many times. Not today.

Took me many wars, took me learning. You need reason and purpose.

Drink, the road and war is a sickness.

In the tropical forest of Honduras. I learn, life was more than me.

I adopted five children and I learn to be kind and listen.

Today I hope one day. I will find Scott and Chuck.

I will tell them. I am sorry for being a teacher, not a brother.

I tell anyone who will listen. Do what my dear Grandfather taught me.

Lead with concern, kindness and listen. Be a friend, not a judge.

Be a safe haven for family and friends. The world is hard enough already.

Thank you for reading.

John

Author's Note

Thank you for reading..

Reviews

[Gregoria Ahmed]

Thanks for sharing something so personal. I can tell you've lived through a lot, and it means a lot that you were willing to let us in. It takes real strength to look back on pain and use it to teach or connect with others. I hope your story continues to help people feel seen and supported.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Gregoria. Most of us learn too late. Sometime silence is better the lecture. Be a friend. Not the teacher.

[Gregoria Ahmed]

Thank you, Coyote. You’re right, sometimes the most powerful wisdom comes quietly. I’m grateful for your voice and the way you remind us to choose grace over instruction.

[Art Sun]

Life is hard just ask all the Veterans who gave up so much, the addictions of those who are caught up in a repetitive cycle, those who have traveled these journeys sometimes live a lifetime of regret.

Nice Work.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you, my friend for reading and the comment. Most of us must learn the hard way.

[Vol]

Coyote,
I lived in an apartment once. I was struck that my neighbors were the mere thickness of a concrete block away. We lived our lives; they lived their lives one concrete block away. We shared nothing else. We never even met except in passing. We were each on our side, all our drama kept to ourselves. I knew they were there; I just did not care. And that makes all the difference. Too many people today have wandered off into themselves and have no time for beauty, philosophy, or God, so they do not know if He is there or not. We ought to understand that just because someone closes their eyes, does not mean they cannot be seen by the God right next to them.
Vol

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you, my friend and the comment. It is sad. We do not see the world around us till something goes wrong. I appreciate the comment.

[Jansy]

Coyote, sir…wow. This truly hit me. Raw, honest, and carrying the weight of lessons learned too late. I deeply admire the courage it takes to turn grief and regret into life’s teachings...adopting children, learning to listen, leading with kindness; it’s fierce, quiet, and profoundly beautiful.

Your words linger, the way memory and loss do, yet they point toward hope.

Reading this, I feel the wisdom of experience, the patience of a life lived fully, and the quiet power of a heart that has seen too much yet still chooses compassion.

I’m grateful to witness that.

-James ✨

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you, Jansy. It is sad, we must learn everything the hard way. I appreciate the comment.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Great write. So heartfelt, so passionate. You've always known to pull at those heart strings, Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you, Kenneth. I appreciate the comment.

[Stella Armour]

You have taken many years to learn the hard way John, for some the path is smooth , for others it is hard , rocky and fraught with temptations .
I do believe those that suffer most on their journey become the blessed people in the end because the universe knows that circumstance is often a high barrier to be climbed and strength comes to those that overcome it.
What a strong man you have become , be proud to be able to lead the way for those who will follow after you have gone.

Stella

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you, dear Stella for the kind words. I do believe old age make us wiser and we learn to listen. I appreciate the comment my dear friend.

[Stella Armour]

your words are always a pleasure to review John ...

[Betty Hermelee]

Dear John
This is very dear and honest and you show us much about your life, past and present... in the past there was much sorrow and tragedy in your life...it took much introspection and learning to be the person your are today...., real family man, kind and loving...so let go of that which causes pain and live a fruitful life as a learned individual....which you are!
Warmly, B

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Betty. It is sad. We must learn the hard way to be kinder.

[Betty Hermelee]

you are very welcome dear John, always a pleasure to read your work🌷😊
Warmly, B😊

[h d e rushin]

Nothing's easy anymore. If it ever was. Not living. Not dying. Not learning to live. Not wanting to die. There was a period in American poetry (1961-1972, Sexton, Plath) when female poets wanted to die. Because dying meant you moved past the absurd, mistaken warrants of our opinions. And as much as they needed to practice the politeness of opinion and judgment, hurt, as it always does, rises to the top. Nice poem. dana.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Dana. Old world seem to be repeated.

[carl]

Thank you for sharing this disclosure so personal and so important for all of use to realize and consider - be well and be safe - and keep on - carl

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Carl for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.

[red93]

Fabulous Coyote - talk about tugging at the heart-strings. Exceptional Plus ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend.

[.]

I'm sorry, I had a really hard time reading this poem. It was emotionally intense, and there's a heaviness in my heart. It's hard to even imagine how you wrote this, but I hope putting it into words has opened a window of relief for you, even if just a little. These words are so valuable and matter. Wish everyone could read and understand this. There is a life here, a life full of seen and regrets and more... Hope you are doing better now somehow. Thank you for writing this.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Beren. Was a long time ago and I remind myself daily. Be kind, lead with concern and listen. Most of us must learn the hard way. Some people are walking on a thin line of hope.