Plasma Ovule: Chapter 2 The New Beginning

Nadur tries to adapt to his new home of Titanium City.

Nadur was almost put into a long tedious sleep. A sleep that lasted over twenty hours. He did not dream but he could hear Ionan's voice saying "You will go by my formalities that has been established by me, Ionan for all Meleks". And this was repeated through out his time of slumber. Almost like a record on replay or his mind was on a limbo. 

Nadur finally awoke, opening up his eye. He was astounded. He was in a metal coffin. He aggressively tried opening up the coffin in a panic. Then he heard a male's voice saying "Hey bro, no need to get your panties in a rough split".  Nadur hesitated for a couple seconds and asked "Was I dead". "No" the male awkwardly replied. "Am I a vampire or a zombie" Nadur asked. "No, but you can come out if you're ready not to attack" said a sultry female voice. "I definitely won't" Nadur replied. "Just please get me out of here" he begged. "Well, you heard the man" said the male to the female. The female presses an electronic key and the coffin finally opens up. "Okay well, first things first" the female told Nadur. "I'm Rontak" she continued. "And I'm Depit" said the male. Rontak was a violet colored orathurae with feathers that looked and moved like literal flames. Depit was an obese indigo colored, latex skinned beast with bronze horns implanted into his head. 

"Well, what's my name" Nadur asked. "Hey" Depit screamed. "There's no need to be sarcastic" he yelled to Nadur. "Hey Depit, lower down your toro bull instinct" Rontak trying to calm him down. "I must have somehow lost my name..." Nadur trying to rationalize. "How in the Hell do you lose your name, flower dick" shouted Depit. "Calm down, I just think that Ionan's cannons was too much for his weak mind" Rontak trying to make sense of the situation. Depit finally calms down and tries to be cool saying "Well, it looks like Ionan isn't so perfect like he tries to make him self out to be". "Are you okay" Depit asked Nadur. "Just on the uncomfortable cloud, you know" he replied. Rontak and Depit look at Nadur in silence with confusion. 

"Well, all three of us are supposed to be the guardian meleks for Titanium City" Rontak informed Nadur. "Which is where we're at right now" she continued. "The small building we're in is our facility base" Depit informs him. "It's a hunk of crap but it's all we got" shrugged Rontak. I'm guessing you guys really don't know my name, do you" Nadur asked. Depit's eyes widened and says "I forgot, Ionan sent us a hologram message informing us that your name is Nadur". Nadur then puzzles for a few seconds. "How do I be a guardian of this place" Nadur asked. "With your powers of course" Rontak cynically replied. "What powers" he innocently asked. Rontak face palmed and says "Oh boy". "Damn" yelled Depit in an irritated shock. "That cannon shot must have caused some brain damage with the memory loss and the loss of instinct" he continued. "The only thing I can remember is trying to destroy Ionan's lab but my brain is lost in the dunes" Nadur said. "What does that supposed to mean" Rontak asked in a weirded out way. "I can't seem to remember the reason why I tried destroying it" said Nadur in a lost manner. "My memory is so vague that I can't even remember how i tried doing it" he continued. "Well look, we'll try to help you the best we can, bud" Depit told Nadur. "For right now, we'll show you around the city" said Rontak. 

The city somehow managed to be both silhouette and vibrant at the same time. The metal buildings were of shadow colors but the power energy fragments, windows, and obviously and especially the lights were neon and radiant. It was beautifully ugly in the point of view of Nadur. 

Some of the schafs were on their sonic pods. The waves that the pods were producing would cover the air. Rontak informs Nadur that the pods were the main transportation for Electronica in general.

The schafs on ground were anxiously sucking and inhaling on strawed tubes that were physically connected to the streets. Depit says they were just constructed into the grounds about five days ago and they were used to feel an "aggressive euphoria". It seemed fishy to Nadur but Depit assured him that they are simply enjoying themselves.

Other schafs seem to be playing around with animated holograms. These holograms involved the schafs brutally slaying creatures that seemed mysteriously mystical. The creatures were various in types. The player who killed the most would be the victor. The game was called "Beast Bash". Nadur thought this game had some sort of deeper meaning to it but Rontak said not to worry about it because they were causing no harm and it's all in "good fun" as she put it.

The most glaring of all the aspects is the marketing of sexuality. There were screens almost everywhere showing off how promiscuity is a gift for all. Nadur said he felt strangely "awakened" yet on the throne of guilt because of these sexual images that were polluted everywhere. Rontak expressed how she didn't like it either but this was the formality of Electronia. Nadur was surrounded by organisms but he felt so spiritually alone. He felt like this wasn't a world for him at all. He felt misplaced even. In his vision, he was in a melek body but his soul simply wasn't a melek or even simply an Electronica citizen for that matter.

"Oh and Nadur, you might wanna start playing it slick real soon" Depit told him. "Yeah, before you woke up, in that hologram message, Ionan said he was going to make an appearance in an hour" Rontak said. "So, you might wanna kiss his a*s while he's here" she continued with a cheeky smirk on her face. "Wait why" Nadur asked in a nervous way. "I can sense negative energy from him" he told them. "What the" Rontak said. Depit gets angry again and yells "You better not screw this up for us, you walking salad bar". "If you say or do anything weird, he'll mow you like lawn and make a lot of us look bad" he shouted. "I'm simply just going by my instincts" Nadur told him. "Nadur, I feel like going against society for fun but we all got to try to behave to some degree" Rontak calmly said. "He goes around acting like he's got big feet but he did create us" she ended.

All of a suddenly, an electrifying alarm goes off and catches the attention of the whole city. "Did I do something wrong" Nadur asked."No, it's time for Ionan to make his presentation" screams Depit. Every citizen rushed in crowds like it was the end of the world. They were in a panic frenzy. Nadur couldn't understand the necessity. 

Everyone arrived at the Omun Outdoor Theater. Everyone waits in anticipation. Some people were looking around to see if they could spot Ionan. People were even starting to become perplexed. Then a shooting star comes diving in towards the theater. Everyone looks up. All three Meleks were astounded. The shooting finally crashes onto the stage, revealing that it's actually Ionan himself. He appears dead and the audience is quiet except for Nadur. He's actually mildly laughing. "You got to be kidding me" said the stunned Rontak. Depit smacks Nadur upside the head. 

About 75% of the mass begins to cry until the brain imposed, red and black insectoid that is Ionan rises up in flamboyance with a vain smile. Everyone's frowns and tears turns to smiles and cheers. Enjo comes from the backstage and is now along side Ionan. The robot raises his hand to silence them.

Ionan began to speak. "All of you seem happy, too happy" he said as he squinted his eyes. Everyone in the crowd looks at each other in confusion and looks back at Ionan in concern. "I received word that the rest of the Abstosian race wants to take down all of Electronica". Everyone gasps in terror. "They are envious of this beautiful and lush world" he continued. "We are a proud realm and we will not back down" he tells the citizens.

"Thankfully we have the fantastic meleks as the heart and strength of our areas". Everyone applauds and Ionan continues by saying "And I believe I'm the only organism who could have pulled all of this off". "Oh, of course" Enjo muttered in a sarcastic way. "Now let me introduce everyone to possibly the most powerful melek yet" Ionan preparing everyone. "NADUR" he screamed. Nadur starts to shake like a weak tree in the breeze. "Come on up" Enjo commanded. "Don't worry I got this" Rontak said in snarky way. She fires her inferno feathers towards Nadur, so that he'd run up on stage and she was successful. 

"Here we have our greatest savior yet, besides yours truly" Ionan said with pride. "I hope this place isn't evil as I feel" Nadur being brutally honest. The whole audience goes quiet yet again, not knowing what to make of Nadur's statement. "He's just joking folks" Ionan trying to make the situation better. The audience is still trying to process. "Oh forget this" Ionan shrugged. "Let's get out of here" he told Enjo as he slowly walks away in disappoint with his latest melek's "identity" failure. "I'm glad we can agree on something, sir" Enjo said with some pleasure. Ionan and Enjo leaves as Nadur finally has to realize that this is his "home". The "home" that he feels like he doesn't belong with.

Author's Note

The process is that I write one page per day and once I'm done with the full chapter, I copy the written pages onto here and this one has taken me over 2 hours to complete.

Reviews

[Abyssmouse]

Hi.

I am here only due to the request.
If you are serious about becoming famous
There are somethings with which I can help.
Stories, any rational narration ...
is reaaally tricky.

There are useful techniques you can try
like drafting, if you do not know it, go read about it online.
(you seem eloquent and smart enough for that, and it's useful)
I know two hours seems like a long time...
Only writing *anything* takes ages.

It reminds me of this short talk of general art I had:
We were all in highschool, painting, as we learned to do
for the entire second half of each day.
My classmate walks up to the teacher
(who is in every possible way, an artist)
and asks:

"Hey teacher?
there is really no way to earn a living by being an artist, right?"

To which he replies:

"Art is not something you live from,
It's something you live for."

Subjectively :
Unfortunately, I do not think I am your target audience.
You are eloquent in a way that is far too fluid for a thesaurus
and have a decent amount of imagination.

The question is how serious you are about wanting to do what you do.
It all takes time.
Nicely done, in the end.

[Cody]

Thank you very much for taking the time out to give me this kind of advice. And I do realize it could take YEARS to finally publish a book if you're not already an legitimate author. But I don't know how many times I've read this review, so I could try to organize everything that would be shot out. This is by far the review that made me really go out in the lightning. So, thank you very much.

[Abyssmouse]

Truly, no need to thank me.
That was the point.
I'm sure others could give you better advice,
and they will, in the end, if you continue.
I can only wish you the best of luck.

[Kaliope]

Okay, I'm sorry but I can hardly follow the dialog the way it's written right now. Please, please, please start a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes. On first glance I noticed a few tense inconsistencies as well.
If you want me to give this a fair and constructive review please edit the dialog structure. I don't mind reading first drafts, but to analyze this chapter properly I'd have to copy & edit it myself. I hope you understand that I don't have the time to do that.

[Eternal Devotion]

Never though I could be in love with a story, but here i am

[Cody]

Awwww, thank you. Explain, sweet heart.

[Cody]

Let me reviews your stories...

[Eternal Devotion]

All I can say is that it has everything I could possibly want in a story.. Never been so impressed. Simply fantastic and I must read on

[FaeryQueen]

dedication! i love this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cody]

Thank you love but why do you love this one if you don't mind me asking?

[FaeryQueen]

Coz it takes dedication to come up with this content, great works don't just come out of thin air right?

[Cody]

Kiss me you beautiful fool.

[FaeryQueen]

Anytime, any day!

[Amy R]

its getting better :)
overall its good so far! really enjoyed it.
well done!

[Cody]

Thank you much, my darling.

[Amy R]

ur welcome :)

[Sultrysoul]

It's an interesting concept. With some editing by another party you can get another point of view to help round out the story and smooth out the rough ends. Overall good job keep at it. Never give up.

[Cody]

Thank you but could you tell me what those rough edges were?

[Lasune]

Chapter 2 didn't disappoint I really feel a sense of getting to know Nadur more. I love the Schafs they are by far my favorite especially playing there video games the bit about the tubes did confuse me a little, is it like waste disposal? I wasn't sure. Ionans entrance was classic I love how full of himself he is, as you said in the story he must be since he is practically playing god.

Paragraph 4 'Which is where were at right now' small mistake (we're)
The starting line in paragraph 5 saying 'The city somehow managed to be both silhouette and vibrant at the same time.' doesn't quite sound right, maybe something along the lines of, The Dark silhouette of the city was contrasted by its many vibrant colors. Not that but I don't think silhouette quite works how you have it.
Paragraph 16 'I hope this place isn't evil as I feel' Another small one, either as evil as I feel or As evil as it feels I wasn't to sure what one.
Over all a very good progression from chapter 1 I enjoyed reading it a lot.

[Cody]

Why thank you very much, Lasune. The tubes were supposed to be the drug pipe/bong of their world. Which is why they're inhaling it for an "aggressive euphoria". What exactly they're inhaling is kind of the mystery of it. The schafs in some ways aren't very bright and that's kind of the point. The word "schaf" is actually German for "sheep". And I'm glad you actually very much understand the whole Ionan character. I've fixed the grammar on paragraph 4, thank you for telling me that. The part about the city being silhouette and vibrant at the same time is supposed to be a contradiction. Which is one of the story's themes. How often do you find someone saying something is "beautifully ugly". And if you don't quite understand what Nadur says involving the place being evil then that's actually good. Through out the story, no one quite understands what Nadur says a lot of the times. His character is supposed to be a misunderstood misfit who's weird and slightly nutty. But I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.

[Lasune]

Ah no problem :D and aha I like the Schafs even more now.

[Benson Osuji]

Great Cody I always enjoy your writing who's the girl you are trying to woo

[Cody]

Hey man. It's Evanna Lynch. I sense a magnetic force between us. It's a long story.

[Benson Osuji]

okay wish you the greatest luck in charming her