The Rain Kissed My Lips Preview

Preview of an upcoming story. Warning, contains a gay couple as the main focus, if this offends you don't read.

“Hey, you doing okay, River?” River was snapped back to reality when his mother came through the door with another box filled to the brim with picture frames. Her voice was quickly followed by his thirteen year old sister who was upset at the traffic now hoarding the front door.

“I’m fine mom.” River pulled out a smile as he quickly pushed the box of kitchenware off to the side and slipped passed her so that they could continue to unpack. It would probably take all day to get these boxes inside, the furniture was already set up though, which was a relief to River since he wouldn’t have been able to help move such heavy pieces anyways. He could feel his mother’s eyes on his back through the kitchen window, her voice muffled to River’s ears as she spoke to her husband once the man walked in. He couldn’t tell them how nervous he was about starting school just yet.
As he grabbed a box with his name sprawled across it from the yard and went to return to the house he was greeted with his sister leaning into the door frame, a goofy smile on her placid face and her arms crossed against her chest.

“You’re scared about going to school, aren’t you?” She said as he pushed through her small attempt at a blockade, but she followed him up to his room on the second floor with a giggle. He opened the ajar door with his foot as he entered the narrow, empty room and haphazardly placed the box down, turning to her as he debated whether to lie or give her a straight answer.

“I don’t think you’d understand, Riley. You’ve gone to public school your whole life after all.” River said as he sat down on the bed, the springs screeching their protest. Riley ran a hand through her brown hair as she placed her hands behind her back, her smile changing from one of playfulness to sincerity.

“I know you’ll do fine, you’re smarter than the other kids and this is your last year. I’d consider you lucky.” The girl flopped down on the bed next to him, he was surprised the bed stayed standing after the noise it emitted from their combined weight, but they gave a small laugh at the sound that was produced. He hummed slightly as he leaned back more, staring at the window straight across from the bed. Riley and River had always been close siblings, they rarely fought and she typically fawned over him as if she were the older one, however, her concern for him was greatly appreciated. He smiled and ruffled the top of her head.

“I’ll be fine, anxiety comes in all shapes and sizes. Let’s finishing moving into this house.” River said as he got up, hauling Riley with him.

Author's Note

I know it doesn't give you much of the story xD But I figured I'd post it. This is a novel in the works, a story I wish to one day publish. It's a romance novel about a young eighteen year old called River who falls in love with a much older college student. Both of them are men, so if this is something that offends you please be aware of that for the future^^

This scene is in chapter 1 in the beginning, just showcasing some of River and his younger sister's relationship.

Reviews

[TheRaven]

I don't think you need the warning about a gay couple. People taking offense about anything is useless, ignore it. It's your writing creation, and if they don't like it for a non-constructive reason like it 'offends them' then they can simply shove it.

Anyway, that's the end of that.

Be careful about saying things like "had always been close siblings". You should show us their relationship with actions and flowing dialogue that feels authentic to the characters. Let us, the audience, decide whether their relationship is close. We'll be able to tell through the actions, just trust in your skills as a writer to present that on the page.

Not too much else to say here, other than we see worry about a new school. Moving, the idea of moving, the strangeness of a new place and the anxiety that comes with it. The public and private school question is valid, and I'm sure you'll address it later. But yeah, it's a short snippet. Not too much to say or take from this as of yet.

[S. von Glaubitz]

For such a short snippet, you've already captured the relationship between River and Riley. It makes me already care about them! Very well done.

I see some issues where the wording needs tweaking, but I'm guessing this is your first draft? If so, I don't like to spend too much time on that stuff at this point, since a lot of it will probably end up getting changed anyway. Instead, I like to look at the big stuff like tone, character development, pacing etc., and you've got a strong handle on all of those things! I look forward to seeing the rest of the book post!

[Centipedle]

Once the first chapter is up I look forward to the advice going to edits. This is the book I'm hoping to one day publish ^^ thank you for your interest!

[JBoone]

Great as always. You are a great story teller.

[Soulcatchers]

I agree with Lily Barr, I would very much like to know why River went to private school and Riley didn't. Very nice story. Going to read chapter 1 next!

[Centipedle]

All will be revealed

[coltmeyer]

I like the dynamic between the two, the closeness between them is portrayed well in the piece!

[AliciaB]

I really like the way you portray the relationship between River and Riley. It is sweet and funny. I like the scene with the creaky bed and them laughing about it, and River wondering how it could still be standing. You do a very good job of setting the scene in this piece. Nice work!

About the fact that this story involves a gay couple... I appreciate the heads up. However, I am not offended by this. As you may know from my About Me thing, I'm Catholic, so I don't agree with gay marriage/romantic relationships for several specific reasons - which I will not get into now, as this isn't really the place for super deep theology. :) But because we have this very specific definition of marriage, a lot of people think that the Catholic Church hates people who are gay. That is most certainly not true. We are called to love everybody, and not to judge people for the way they feel. This gets into the whole realm of desires versus actions, which again, I will not get into here. (Email me if you'd like to learn more - I'd be happy to explain as best I can!) But basically, I'm going to approach this story from a different perspective than others, but I'm not going to be offended by it. I think that reading things like this can help me recognize the need to feel compassion for people in this sort of situation. I hope this makes sense and that it hasn't offended you, and again, email me if I need to clarify something. Thank you again!

[Centipedle]

Doesn't offend me at all. I just have a very strong opinion in it being a lesbian myself so yeah xD. But if you wanna read the story im all for it.

[AliciaB]

Hey no worries. Thanks for being cool about it. :)

[CrumbsInMyBed]

So Riley has always gone to public school but River hasn't? I hope you explain why because that part made me very curious.

[Centipedle]

It is included in the story ^^ the first chapter isn't quite done with editing yet but will be soon

[CrumbsInMyBed]

Let me know when it's posted.