kids smoking on the corner

Another piece of old writing that I particularly like. The description I wrote for it seemed a little poetic too, so I decided to integrate it as a piece of the poem. Open-ish, again.

i was burning incense tonight and as i watched the smoke threading it's way across my face,
sewing my eyes shut and stringing me up by the temples,
i recalled a certain afternoon behind the library...
so many cigarettes,
so much smoke,
so many coils tying me to the post,
like caressing hands that grip you by the neck and softly suffocate you to sleep.

thusly, i wrote this.

 

 

I keep smoke in a jar
For nights just like this.

On a rainy day,
When I can’t light a fire with my malice,
And I can’t get a spark from my imagination,
I just open my jar
And there you are.

I can watch it drifting,
Just like it does out of your mouth.
I love how it looks falling over your lips.
The way that it drips
From the end of your cigarette.

It coils and curls out the mouth of my jar,
A silvery noose from a painted star,
I open the lid, and there you are.

It coils and curls from the mouth of a star:
A silvery rope for lip-locked tug-o-war;
The smoke that connects us no matter how far.



I open the lid,
And there you are.

Reviews

[Jonathan Brooks]

I hate smoking. But after reading this...it seems so nice and soothing. You've got a way with words! I think these are the best lines:
"I can watch it drifting,
Just like it does out of your mouth.
I love how it looks falling over your lips.
The way that it drips
From the end of your cigarette."
Great job!

[kewlbluetiger]

Wow seriously, that was an amazing read. I really wasn't sure with the whole lead-in bit going into the poem, but you made it work masterfully. The flow was fantastic and almost lyrical in nature. Thanks for the smoking hot read. Keep up the brilliant work. This was my favorite part:
On a rainy day,
When I can't light a fire with my malice,
And I can't get a spark from my imagination,
I just open my jar
And there you are.

Wow you brought intimacy to cigarette smoke! Fantastic. I think I'm going to have a smoke now.

[Nichole]

I don't have much to say about this, other than the fact that it's brilliant and you definitely have a knack for conveying emotion.

[Rainbow Rider]

Well this is different, using smoking a cig as a metaphor. I liked how this flowed and am glad you used what you said was the discriptor as part of the piece. I think it makes the piece whole. Nicely done.

[Visionary]

Good visualization. I love it when I see what the writer sees as they write. Oop! Gotta go. The internet guy is coming to check my service ...