For The Love Of Mother

stage 4 tumor, mother

In 2011 my mother had a stage 4 brain tumor, she was 69 and at that point in great health; it was a 52 day journey I went from the moment she entered ER and I never left her side. By the time they found it she did not have a lot of options they did a probing/biopsy and followed up with 10 long days of radiation (in the hospital) with the weekends off.

From the time the phone rang, calling us to the ER to the graveside handshake I was in control and in peace. I walked the journey with and for mother. It was the grace of God that led me and not my on peace.  My husband can attest I can cry at AT&T commercials. You know the ones? That has a young woman calling home to call her dad. (My Father died when I was 15, He died at work and alone and I am sure this fueled my need to care for my mother so completely and perfectly.)

 

The first two weekends’ I went home to my husband to wash my clothes and my aunt stayed over the weekend. However, after that point I was like a woman with a newborn I could not stand to leave her. She walked into the ER but from there they wheeled her into a seconded floor room and from that moment on her brain shut off her ability to use her right-side. It took me a full week and a visit from my son with his new born baby Caden to realize she could no longer see out of that right-side eye as well.

My mother could not speak her words were trapped in her mind and she would say silly made up words, and on happy days I would say them back to her because her mind was sound. She was in her right mind only her part of speech was affected. Sometimes I would say now look and see who's the mother? And I'd smile.  When she would search for a word  she would say "you know" and then we would play the guessing game and I would fill in the blanks. At times I would hit the nail right on the head first lick. In those moments I would want to add big long letters to the end of my name then moments later tears would fill the room her tears would fill the room as her frustration would grow. I on the other hand could never cry or show fear or she would become afraid.  She would ask me if I was worried and I would always say no. Come what may we would face it together. 

 

Soon I never left her side the nurses kept me in broth and oatmeal. The tumor made food taste rotten and the radiation made her sick. She ate ice chips and broth and each bite of solid food was a victory I cheered for. The doctor and she struck a deal for a peg tube for the length of the treatment for strength. I worked alongside them where mother was concerned.

 I fed her. Each day I gave her a bath and after a bad mishap I figured out how to get her to the potty on her good leg. We kinda did the two step, with a shuffle so I could push her bad foot along.

 She forgot how to set up one day and I used a little ice on my hand and lotion on her back  she engaged her stomach and her mind kicked in she and did the rest. It was hard but together we found away.

Soon mother came home and Hospice was a true blessing. They had my childhood room set up with mother’s bed in front of the window. I had gloves set out my reading glasses, clock, notebook, and medications in suppository or gel form, bed-side potty. I had my time table of when and how and of course mother.

I know to some of you this seems too scary or hard, but it’s not. Not when it is your own mother/Father. I would not even compare it to a child. It is a gift a rare privilege. To care for someone so dear to you and who cared for you first.

There are many details about those days I’m just not ready to visit them in great detail.

Reviews

[Neville]

Wow,

I truly wish I could give you a big hug. I have been where you have been & I think one has to have been there before being able to genuinely empathise with another. It will indeed be some time before you can be any more descriptive in your writing about and or around your personal loss, but I think eventually you will.

I am still in shock after a series of seemingly back on back personal bereavement losses but reading your account of things does help one understand that others are in a similar situation... I hope many others will read this write of yours in time to come and take some solace from it and that it serves as a literary memorial for whom you still love and miss so very much... All Good Things,

Neville

[Cherrie]

I hope these clumsy words might empower someone in the mist of such a situation. The odd thing is I don't have any ill feelings lurking from those days with Mother. Seeing how she and I bore the weight alone it is time frame I find hard to place on paper. Even though at times I want to the words will not follow. :) So I do it in tid-bits

[Neville]

Tid-bits are fine & often absolutely necessary believe me Cherrie. All Good Things, Neville

[Cherrie]

:)I do agree couplet can be the most healing. Less is often more.

[Traci]

I lost my mom in 2010, at age 63, stage 4 ovarian cancer so this write brought back many bittersweet memories. So many emotions involved, small details I'll never forget, you've captured them all.

"I know to some of you this seems too scary or hard, but it's not. Not when it is your own mother/Father. I would not even compare it to a child. It is a gift a rare privilege. To care for someone so dear to you and who cared for you first."

There is so, so much truth in these words Cherrie. It takes a very selfless soul to put aside ones needs/wants to care for our mother/father in their final days. I admire the strength and courage it took for you to share these personal details of your life, your time with your mother. May each day bring you peace and comfort in her sweet memory.

[Cherrie]

Hello Traci, I am glad you read this and yes it is the small details you never forget, and many thanks. Cherrie

[lee von cleef]

Horses and people will go where you will them, You have shown what a beautiful challis of confidence the Lord has placed in your soul, the reflection of yours is Christ like,and we can be no less...Fourth day strength ,Details win races,for horses and life.

[Cherrie]

thank you Lee
Life is a funny think you always think it's too hard but you are always bigger, better and tougher than life can ever be if you yield to its creator :)