Cascading Mist

what we see in the night

A soft drizzling rain is all that was left from a tumultuous storm that had just passed. Black upon black is all I could see. Sunrise was several hours away, in the distant sky, lightning fled across a lover’s moon. The moaning of the wind drew me to the dancing curtain. Shadowy limbs billowed and swayed. While heavy leaves remained silently in place.

 

 A twirling mist appeared on the rocks below. As those vapors reached slowly higher an ancient myth caused me to secure the window’s lock.  Air now still and free of rain allowed me to hear a cry in its place. I rushed to the door, now standing outside and saw flowing white lace from the corner of my eye.

 

My feet were in motion before my mind could think and like an eluding dream she was

just out of reach. Cascading lace traced with mist danced through air as I grew ever nearer.

Whispering trees answered her cries as I came to a stop and realized I was lost. The mist

 like a blanket held me tight and its silvery glow filled me with fright. I slowed my breathing to

catch my breath and woke in the morning fully at rest. I threw back my covers to rise from

my bed and stared with amazement to find a piece of lace in my hand.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

i was drawn in with your V1 ...actually was such a cold kind of serenity i felt ...and i stayed on the edge between something pleasant and something scary to the end ... so well done ;) it felt a little anti-climactic with your closing lines ... perhaps i wanted to stay in that post storm pre-dawn longer ...stay wooed by the mist and lace :) "I through back my covers.." i think you mean throw back :)))
E.

[Cherrie]

yes, I did I don't always notice when my auto correct helps me, and thank you :)

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ...................

[genocide]

thanks for really being there for me cherrie and giving me support I really apperiate that you're a great friend go down my list and give me some more reviews please I need them

[Neville]

a splendid write and a slow delightful read ....thank you Cherrie....

[Cherrie]

Thank you, originally I thought this would be a larger piece but I lost interest.

[Neville]

it happens.. sometimes ya just need someone else's opinion, or to give the thumbs up... tis one of the reasons I tend to stick with poetry.. I have much respect for those who pen longer stuff... N

[emmajoy]

There's more than fantasy here.. a soft flow of happenings, gentle, beautiful.. spaced by pause.. i rather think, intentional in the style in which you've placed your phrases. Seemed tight to read this or that sentence, then close eyes and visualise. A second read.. a drift of words intended?

[Cherrie]

Thank you Emma, I wanted to have dreamy feel. Your visits mean so much.

[emmajoy]

It does have a dreamy feel.. sdrifting gently.. one should come to very very slowly after all that.. tis a beautiful place to be. Need go, drying hair, must be rid of wet towel. xx

[genocide]

very good story very good sentence structure

[Cherrie]

Thank you so much, I liked how this one turned out

[Dave]

I really like the pictures you paint with your descriptive word phrases: soft drizzling rain, ,tumultuous storm, shadowy limbs billowed and swayed. I too like describing the scenes where the action takes place.
A very interesting specter you introduce. I have one in "The Dance" posted here.

Take care - Dave

[Cherrie]

I cannot wait to read it.

[alanwgraham]

You have a good idea here Cherrie. I like the dream like ambience of it and the twist at the end. I can see that you will pick up a few things with a careful read over. In the first line i think it should be 'from a'. I don't think the phrase 'Leaves well hydrated' sounds correct or is really needed. The main problem that stands out for me is the use of past and present tenses throughout. I hope that helps a bit.
It is really worth tidying up though.
regards,
Alan
Regards

[Cherrie]

thank you Alan

[D.H.Simmons]

This was pretty good, you used the word light too many times in first pg- shame on you lol

think you could get away with taking out light and just saying drizzling but what the hell do I know? What am I your editor?

[Cherrie]

i agree, i do not like using the same word in the same fragment. I'll have to dial it up a tad.