'Ghazal' form poem

1st attempt

Sunday's child was I and then the sunset,
my parents so joyed and then the sunset.

School days soon begun and then the sunset,
soon I closed that door and then the sunset.

Warmth came unannounced and then the sunset,
left me with a tear and then the sunset.

Love so exact showed and then the sunset,
growing with each day and then the sunset.

Dear defines my name and then the sunset
Cherrie you exclaim and then the sunset.

Author's Note

At least 5 couplets ending in the same phrase with the same syllables in each line. With the writers name in the last.

Reviews

[William Michael Reeves]

Ghazal. Hmmm. I read all the reviews so I got more background. Arabic. Very interesting. So was what you did with it. Not sure if it was the first day of school or maybe Sunday school. Must be. These forms that make you start with the end in mind are fun. And this end phrase thing makes it like filling in the blanks. Your poem made me remember my very first day to kindergarten. I bawled like a baby!

[W. Barrett Munn]

A challenging form that you handled nicely. I think it most difficult to decide on the repetitive end phrase.

[Cherrie]

Yes tha is key. Once you pick that it is fairly simple.

[Cherrie]

Plus it was k8nd of weird to me to add in my name

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free, oh
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me." Bernie Taupin as recorded by Elton John

The sunset comes for everything, eventually. I enjoyed the read.

[Cherrie]

Thank you Fabian. I may have to try a second one of these.

[Relic]

I've never seen this form before, I'm always amazed at how much I didn't know. This is well done and doesn't look easy although you might think it would be if every line ends in the same phrase.

I believe L8 is 9 syllables.

[Cherrie]

This is the first one I've tried. I dud like it and may try another. Origin is Arabic it is a very old style going back to the seventh century.

[Relic]

I wasn't around then so I didn't know about it. haha. :) You did fine for a first try.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

This poem made me emotional....I thought of friends, I thought of my parents having reached their sunset.
So many I miss...and I know my sunset is on the horizon...
and I hope there will be a decent adjective to define my name when my sun goes down.
j.

[Cherrie]

It will be a new day the first Son-rise, a doorway to beyond where the sun will never set.. :) grabbing hold of our every thought.

[lightsong]

"Dear defines my name and then the sunset
Cherrie you exclaim and then the sunset."

Those lines are so dear and so lovely, what more perfection to end the poem with than them? all your poem has a tune of wistfulness, I don't know if the (Ghazal) You are mentioning is the same Ghazal poetry we have here (in the Arabic language), anyway it's very nice and sure written so wonderfully. Thank You Dear Cherrie :>

[Cherrie]

That is exactly what it is supposed to be. However I'm not sure my offering is correct. :)

[Cherrie]

You my friend should write ✍ one.