It Would Be Easier If I Didn't Know What To Think [Or How]

 

My heart beats in time to the melody you play me as I fall asleep.
 

Each day I'm closer to this ever impending,
Never surrendering,
Future.
The minutes tick away,
Grains of sand taken by the merciless sea
Never to be seen again.
Opportunities I've let slip through my fingertips.
Those Hands; Those Eyes; Those Lips.
All the things I've grown to love
And hate
And miss.

Farther I move away from the memories that I hate to remember
And am terrified to forget.
A bittersweet delusion.
This fusion
Of hate and anger.
Taking hold; Taking control.
But never in control.

I look in that mirror, mirror on the wall.
What has happened to it all?
The person staring back at me
Is not the one I long to see.
I look up towards the sky.
Maybe, maybe there's a reason why.
Or maybe it's all just do or die.

My hands don't just shake.
My whole body quakes.
Starting to break under the pressure
Of your words.
I need to be saved.
I need to stay.
I need to leave
This behind.

Don't reach for me.
Close your ears to my call, my cry.
It's nothing more than a sugar-coated lie.
I'll only bring you down
Further and further until you drown
In Apathy.
Like me.

Author's Note

Okay. So this is part of a blog I posted last year. I actually kind of like it, even if it's not in a specific structure.