In the Dream

I wrote this as a draft awhile ago, and just retouched it recently. sorry for the rhyming...

In the dream, there is a place
Where it all fades away.
I see only your face,
And I long to stay.

But it is not to be.
I know in my heart,
That if you were for me,
We would not be apart.

It is time to let go.
How long since you moved on?
Far too long, I know.
I can't follow where you've gone.

So now in my dreams,
I feel you draw near.
My heart always screams:
"Why leave me here?"

Why go where I cannot stand,
There, by your side?
Please, take my hand!
Too long have I cried!

Yet as the tears flow strong,
You smile and kiss my cheek.
"You've waited too long"
"It's not me you should seek"

Our time over, I weep.
I will live while you lay,
In eternal sleep,
Forever and a day

Author's Note

Any comments are welcome and much appreciated

Reviews

[Syldor]

I like it. The lines are short and simple, while I usually prefer long flowing imagery, this still managed to keep my attention. I do-however- feel it would be easier to catch the flow, and help with the meaning, if you added punctuation. I had a hard time in places trying to figure out if you were continuing a thought or starting a new one. Otherwise nice work.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this is very well written. I liked it. The rhyme scheme was excellent in my opinion. A nice storyline too. Thanks for sharing. :)

[r]

This is wonderful. I love the flow of the words and, well, I just love it. xD It's awesome and the emotion really comes through. The sentences are simple and sweet, making it an easy and fantastic read.

[Syldor]

Much better, the punctuation really helps to differentiate one thought from the next. Good job!

[TidgeTiger]

really liked this poem. It was full of strong emotion and made a unique melody.. The rhyming shows a playful command of langauge and you are on your way to being one talented writer and I hope to read more by you in the future.

[Nathan Durham]

I really liked this poem. It was full of strong emotion and had a nice flow to it. The rhyming was a very nice touch here. It especially appeals to me because it is similar to the style I use. You are a talented writer and I hope to read more by you in the future.