MOST OF THE TIME

This is just a rant I suppose.

Most of the time I keep it together

Force myself out of bed

Thank the Lord for the things I have

Force down food I don't like

Manage to keep it down

Write more worthless poems

Work as much as I can

Take long walks

Keep myself busy

Keep my thoughts only of you

 

Sometimes though.......

 

I pull the pillow over my head

Ignore my phone when it rings

Retreat far into memory

Memories of a little girl

That's when the blackness comes

comes and takes me over

and I don't care for anything or anyone

 

Sometimes....lately often times

 

I want to scream obscenities at the sky

Throw the TV through the window

Drink every last drop of that bottle I keep in the fridge

Get in my car and drive at a hundred miles an hour

Kill all the stupid people I see and hear every day

Stick a needle in my arm-my old painkiller of choice

Then the blackness comes back

 

Most of the time I keep it together

 

Most of the time........

 

Reviews

[Demetri J]

Solid piece. I'm quite reminded of countless stories about honest, hard-working, successful people (commonly office workers) who spontaneously snap into insanity at the realization f their hollow, monotonous lives. It's a message i feel we all can relate to at some point or other in our lives, and well written to say the least. Keep it up

[Magdelena]

My loving friend. Most of the time our hearts will break, some of the time our pain will be so horrible we can hardly bear it. Aww, but all of the time, we will remember the goodness left to us. The absolute memories that refuses to leave for they are too special to do so. Then we look towards the darkness and see a small light up ahead. Barely there, but we still can make it out. Your words are like that light, those memories that are lingering for the reason they should be. Life, love, and memories. This piece all brings forth each morsel of imagery and makes me weep with you, hurt as you do, and love as madly till the end of time.

Forever and ever

Donna xx

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

A moving tale indeed. I am certain that many of us can relate to such feelings - completely, partially, wholely...well expressed. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Patches I'm not so new..]

Knowing you as i do I I know to what you are refering Chris, the pain will never go away I have lost two brothers both infants and in the last 15 years both parents Believe me I know wherefor of what you speak But as Kathie says we do love you and even though we will probably never meet in real time I have kept you in my mind and heart as a special friend A talented friend and a damn good friend!

[Valentine]

Chris, many of your friends know what you have been through and we love you..you are very important to all of us so get out of that bed and thank God that you can see, hear anf feel things...My mom was blind the last ten years of her life..take time to give God thanks sweetie..love and God bless..Katihe

[Tina Kline]

I know a bit how you feel, I often have those feelings when my thoughts go into that deep dark place and I just want to destroy my life. Its good to have theses rants, it helps get the feelings out, if only they'd just stay out.

[_mal]

Very sad and strong.