Favorite Memory?

I was asked what my favorite memory was. But when I sit here and think about it, a million memories cloud my brain. Yet all of them are with you.

I miss walking up the stairs of your apartment, knowing that you’ll be right around the corner, sitting on the tan, mystery stained couch. As I walk in, we make eye contact for a brief moment, and you break it with a smile, sending chills up my spine.

I miss the random road trips to Wahpeton with your friends. And as I look out the window in the backseat, my mind on overdrive, overthinking everything, I feel your fingers lace in between mine, making every negative thought, disappear.

I guess you don’t know how much you really do for me. You make home a pair of arms instead of a house. You make being with you feel like seconds, and without you feels like years. With you, I have so much motivation to be and do the things I want.

It feels like just yesterday. I wake up to you sleeping next to me. Your face just inches from mine. I scoot back quietly, and just look at you in your most innocent moment. I never felt like I could love someone so much. But as I lay here, looking at you, you just seem so perfect in my eyes.

As you slowly open your eyes, you look at me, and it's as if I haven’t looked into those deep brown eyes in forever. “Good morning Handsome.” I say as I turn over on my side, facing you. “Good morning Gorgeous.”

It’s always the small things that make me fall for you all over again. Even if it’s just you looking at me. And as I ask you what, you call me beautiful. Or the one time you came home from work with four big bags of chocolate because I was craving it all week.

One of my favorite memories is on our one month. We got into an argument that morning. You didn’t even kiss me goodbye when you dropped me off at my house. And as I got into the car later that night, it was still silent by the time we pulled up to your apartment. But before I had the chance to get out of the car, you handed me a Walmart bag. Inside was not only a bottle of Mountain Dew, my favorite drink, but a little black box. As I stare at the unopened little black box, I feel as if my heart has skipped a beat. I slowly open it, and inside, a silver heart shaped necklace with little bits of sparkle around the edges. I feel my face burn red hot as I look over at you, smile on my face, never been more appreciative of you.

Not everyday has to be glamorous between us though. Sometimes, I’ll catch myself looking at you while you're playing videogames, or smoking a cigarette. And I just think to myself, how could I have been so lucky to find him. Because when I see you, I don’t just see you. I see everything about you.

I notice the scars on your lower back, as I give you rubs and tickle scratches to help you fall asleep. I notice when you're in deep thought and when you bounce back into reality. And I always notice the moment you start pushing me away.

Even the negative memories, the ones I wish never happened, are my favorite, because at least I was with you.

I’m currently not yours right now. But I still have hope. And my all time favorite memory should explain why.

I hadn’t seen you in probably more than a year. I probably haven’t talked to you in longer. Your name to me was like a forgotten language. I didn’t even give any thought to you in what seemed like forever. Which I was thankful for. I barely knew you, but those two weeks with you sure felt like a lifetime, but nothing compared to how it felt now. We ended badly, and I thought it was my fault. For the rest of the year, I felt like a piece of crap under your shoe, until I finally quit going to school because of it.

Now here I was, almost two years later, mid August. I never thought I would be laying under the stars with you, talking about life. That night, you have no idea how amazing I felt. After all these years, being in your arms almost felt impossible. When you told me that I wasn’t the reason we broke up, it lifted so much weight off my shoulders. I asked you why it was that you were so mean to me then. You said it was easier to cope with the feeling of wanting to be with me, but life decided against it.

That night was the night I fell head over heels for you, all over again. And every night with you since then has done the same.

But you’re not mine anymore. And there is so much more to it, then just to say, “they stopped loving each other”. Because that’s not what it is at all, is it? At first it was because you were so confused about your feelings. You wanted to be alone, and I didn’t. You kept pushing me away, and just like the last time, I bowed down for you, hoping you would take me back. Then after months and months of that excuse, you got drunk and made love to someone else.. But that’s nothing worse compared what I did. But I’m saving that for a different story. The point is, after everything, the end of this story was supposed to say, I still have faith that we are meant to be together.. But when I started writing this was December. Now it's May, and so much has happened since then, that I don’t have faith at all..  But I realize that nobody has to have a favorite memory. But who they shared their memories with. And I also realize, that even after everything, I wouldn’t mind doing it all again, because you’re my favorite person to make memories with..