Fairytales for Tweakers

Fairytales For Tweakers

By
Cookie
These are the fairytales you know and love.
If the characters had been dope heads
Contents

1 - The Stiletto Queen 4

2 - Sherri White Of Wild Wonderful West Virginia 12

3 - Kim And The Big Bad Pimp 22

4 - Becky And The Three Bears 33

5 - The Story Of Bob And Sue 39



The Stiletto Queen

A Parody of The Little Old Lady Who Lived In a shoe




Once upon a time, in the bustling heart of a lively city, there stood a peculiar three-story mansion shaped like a giant red stiletto. This was home to Ruby, a sharp-tongued, street-smart 26-year-old single mother with a knack for turning life’s lemons into lemonade�"or, in her case, turning baby daddies into income streams. Ruby had mastered the secrets of navigating government benefits, and with child support on her side, she was poised for the luxurious lifestyle she’d always dreamed of.


Ruby hadn’t always been like this. Growing up, she’d dreamed of becoming a fashion designer, imagining a life far removed from the chaotic one she now led. But life, as it often does, had other plans. One heartbreak led to another, and before she knew it, Ruby had nine children, each fathered by a different man.
Instead of wallowing in regret, Ruby turned her situation into an enterprise. Her motto? “We made the kids. I’m raising them. So pay up, big man!”

With her cash flow secured, Ruby indulged in the finer things: designer clothes, fine wine, and a first-rate babysitter�"essential tools of the luxury life.
Her shoe-shaped house became the stuff of legend. Neighborhood kids whispered about the laughter, shouting, and occasional crash of a wayward vase inside. Ruby was a force of nature, juggling nine children’s schedules, personalities, and quirks with the precision of a seasoned ringmaster.
Each of Ruby’s nine baby daddies contributed to the chaos in their own way. Some were reliable, sending payments and occasional gifts. Others were less consistent, requiring “gentle reminders” in the form of the aluminum little league bat Ruby kept on display. After the initial threat, the child support bureau did most of the legwork for free.
Then there was Andre, the smooth-talking musician who sent mixtapes instead of money. He was a loser�"but those were the ones she always fell for, hence nine baby daddies. Like a seasoned strategist, Ruby kept them in line, ensuring no one got away without paying up.
She also thrived on government benefits. Housing assistance, food stamps, medical coverage�"Ruby had a system that turned her bustling household into a self-sustaining empire. And of course, OnlyFans contributed handsomely to her income.
Despite the chaos, Ruby genuinely loved her kids. She worked hard to make their lives joyful, breaking up fights, refereeing arguments over tablet time, and explaining why they couldn’t adopt a stray raccoon. She taught resilience, creativity, and how to navigate life’s curveballs. When life got overwhelming�"or when she wanted a night out�"her all-star babysitter, funded by government programs, had her back.
Her neighbors, initially skeptical, grew to admire Ruby’s hustle. Sure, her life seemed chaotic, but her children were happy, cared for, and loved. Ruby hosted block parties, baked cookies for school fundraisers, and always found time to help other moms in the community. Everyone else wished they could live it up like Ruby, but they just didn’t know the secret.
One day, Ruby’s luck took an unexpected turn. While cleaning out her attic, she stumbled upon her old sketchbooks filled with shoe designs. Inspired, she dusted off her sewing machine and began creating miniature versions of her dream shoes, selling them online. Her side hustle quickly grew, and soon Ruby was not just the “woman in the shoe,” but a rising designer in the fashion world. “This could be problematic,” Ruby thought. “I’ll lose benefits, pay taxes, and have to earn my luxury lifestyle the hard way. Screw that!” Ruby wasn’t stupid�"she was street-smart. She wasn’t going to give up her empire and be a slave to the’man’.

Life in the shoe remained lively, and Ruby continued to turn every challenge into an opportunity. She showed the world that chaos could be beautiful, family came in all forms, and even a giant red stiletto could be a place to call home.

Life went on for Ruby and her children and eventually she sold the red stiletto house and moved the whole family into a pair of Air Jordans in the suburbs.
And they all lived happily ever after.
THE END



Sherri White of Wild Wonderful West Virginia

A Parody of Snow White



Once upon a time, in a holler among the Appalachian hills, there lived a teenage girl named Sherri White. She wasn’t your typical princess, in fact, she wasn’t a princess at all. Sherri was the daughter of a famous fashion influencer, a mother who ran the family like a tightly managed PR campaign. Sherri had dark eyeliner, a closet full of ripped jeans, a playlist full of angry music and she had a rebellious streak as sharp as her tongue. Most of all though, she was promiscuous to say the least. She was spoiled, had daddy issues. You name it.


Her mother, known online as the “Fairest Queen,” was obsessed with her image. She couldn’t stand that Sherri’s raw beauty pale skin, raven-black hair, and piercing green eyes was effortlessly stealing the spotlight on social media, and Sherri White’s reputation as an online trollop really made her look bad. Every selfie Sherri posted racked up more likes than the Queen’s meticulously curated posts. But what else would you expect? Sherri White's selfies always showed cleavage.

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall,” the Queen would whisper into her phone each night as she checked her follower count. “Who’s the fairest online of them all?”

One day, her phone buzzed with an answer she dreaded: “It’s Sherri White. Her latest TikTok just went viral. You just can’t compete. She has some really nice cleavage and loves to show them off. The sex tape that ‘accidentally’ got released made her a star too.”

Enraged, the Queen hatched a plan. She hired a private investigator to dig up more dirt on Sherri White. Everything she found was no good to her. It would have just boosted Sherri’s viewer count. There was nothing she could do but take matters into her own hands. She locked Sherri in her bedroom, cut off her internet, and told her, “You can’t come out until I’m the fairest one of all online!”

But Sherri wasn’t one to be contained. That night, she packed her thrift-store backpack, climbed out of the window of her double wide and vanished into the darkness. She hadn’t really thought through were she’d go but she figured it all work out. After all she was Sherri White.


Sherri had a long walk to town. Her phone was dead and her stomach empty. She stumbled into an abandoned house covered in graffiti, its broken windows glowing with warm light. “It looks like somebody’s been stripping the inside for copper”, she thought. Inside, she found seven young outcasts, each as troubled as she was. They were still hard at work burning the coating off the copper they had collected that day. They were all so high, they didn’t even notice her come in.

• Doc, the oldest, was a college dropout. He fancied himself a unlicensed pharmacist. That’s just mountain speak for a dope dealer.
• Grumpy was a sarcastic a*****e. He smoked a lot of weed which mellowed him out.
• Happy stayed so high he never really knew where he was, and living oblivious to real life he was happy as could be.
• Sleepy napped in the corner, passed out of course.
• Sneezy was a DJ with terrible allergies to… everything. Because of that, he was probably theonly sober one of the bunch.
• Bashful was a coder who never looked up from his laptop and mostly was just watching porn.
• Dopey, the youngest, communicated in gestures and wore a hoodie too big for him. He wasn’t all there. They said he had a bad reaction to something and hasn’t been right since.

They were squatters who lived off the grid, and they took Sherri in without question. In return, she shared her sharp wit, her survival skills, and her stories of rebellion and how everything wrong in her life was always someone else’s fault. For the first time, Sherri felt free. She didn’t have to listen to her jealous self centered mom and she was going to do everything her way now. It’s not like there would be consequences.

The misfits taught her how to make meth, hustle guys for cash, live without rules and stay high. She sold pictures on Snapchat and that kept them all in dope most of the time. Together, they became an unlikely family.

Back at home, the Queen couldn’t stand Sherri’s growing independence. When her P.I. discovered Sherri’s hideout, the Queen devised a new plan. She disguised herself as a local reporter wanting to write a story about Sherri’s former online success. She donned a hooded coat, and arrived at the house with a basket of glossy red apples as a housewarming gift.
“This is for the girl who went viral,” the Queen said sweetly, handing Sherri an apple. “A little taste of home.”
Sherri didn’t normally take food from strangers. She hesitated for a moment but the Misfits were watching and she didn’t want to be rude. She rolled her eyes. “What’s the worst that could happen?” she joked, and took a bite. Before she could lay the apple down she fell out.

The apple was laced with a strong sedative. Sherri collapsed to the floor, unconscious. The Queen smirked and walked away, leaving Sherri to be forgotten.

The Misfits refused to abandon Sherri. Doc gave her 4 Narcans and kept slapping her to wake her up.

Happy was so high he didn’t know what was going on anyway.

Grumpy was totally out of it. He’d just ate a huge amount of mushrooms and thought they were all tripping.

Sneezy was just freaking out, afraid they'd get busted if they had to call 911 and the cops showed up.

Luckily Sherri White pulled through and life went on. But after living with these guys for a few months and smoking meth daily, Her fair complexion was gone. She was missing a tooth and She had lost so much weight she looked like a holocaust victim.









Sherri’s online presence had really suffered. Sherri White's selfish self centered mom had accomplished what she had been trying to do the whole time. The Fairest Queen had Surpassed Sherri White's viewer count and since she’d learned the value of showing her cleavage in a selfie, she was killing it on OnlyFans..

The moral of the story is don’t do drugs and stay away from people that do, or one day you might turn around and see it’s your mom killing it on OnlyFans.

THE END


Kim And The Big Bad Pimp


A Parody of Little Red RidingHood



Once upon a time, there was a clever and enterprising young woman named Kim. Kim was known for her love of turning tricks and happily selling sexual favors for money. Her grandmother, who lived on the other side of the forest, had taught her all about the family business�"and how to disguise her work as a simple cookie shop. Kim took great pride in her tasty creations. She wasn’t just a ho; she was a talented baker as well. Her slogan? “We sell cookies with a happy ending!”
One day, Kim’s mother packed up a basket of freshly baked cookies and said, “Kim, why don’t you take these to your grandmother? She’ll be delighted. She hasn’t baked in a while and hasn’t been able to turn any tricks lately. It’ll be a good chance to sell a few cookies along the way�"and maybe turn a couple tricks yourself.”
Kim’s eyes lit up with excitement. “I can set up shop in the forest and make some money!” she exclaimed, already picturing all the things she could buy�"and all the travelers she could turn into clients.
As she walked through the forest, Kim found a spot by a tall tree near the crossroads. She laid out a cloth, placed her cookie basket on top, and set up a little sign she’d brought along that read: “Kim’s Cookies�"wink, wink.”

The forest was quiet, and not many people passed by, so Kim called out, “Fresh cookies! Happy ending!” But there were no customers… until a shadowy figure approached. It was a large, gray wolf wearing a purple fur-brimmed pimp hat. He slinked toward her, sniffing the air as he got closer. “Hello, little girl,” he said, showing his sharp teeth in what he thought was a charming grin. “What are you doing out here in the forest all alone?”
Kim smiled brightly and held out a cookie. “Selling cookies, of course! Freshly baked, with a happy ending if you’re interested.”
The wolf licked his lips�"not so much interested in the cookies as in Kim herself. “Well, you see, this is my forest. If you’re selling cookies or turning tricks, you’re on my turf!” he said, delivering a quick slap to the side of her head. “Now you’re working for me!” “I’m going to my grandmother’s house,” Kim replied, “but I thought I’d make a few sales along the way.”
The wolf thought fast. “Interesting… perhaps I’ll follow you to your grandmother’s and put her to work too,” he said, eyes gleaming with a wicked idea. “But first, let me try the merchandise. You’ll give me a taste for free, won’t you?”
Kim hesitated but decided to offer one sample. “Alright, here’s a cookie. Just one! Oh, you meant a trick? Well, okay. But if you want more, it’ll cost you,” she said firmly.
The wolf finished the cookie and made a face, surprised by how tasty it was. He gobbled up the rest and glanced at her basket. “These are quite good,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “What would you say to giving me the whole basket? They’re much better than your happy ending.” Kim scoffed. “I don’t think so! I’m awesome at my job! You’re an a*****e!”

The wolf grumbled and delivered a mighty pimp slap. “Watch that mouth! I’ll be back for my money!” he said, slinking off the main path and taking a shortcut to Kim’s grandmother’s house.
When he arrived, he slipped inside and scared poor Grandmother. She exclaimed “You piece of s**t! What are you doing here? I’ve already told you I don’t need a pimp! My trick, my money!” The wolf pimp-slapped Grandma with the back of his hand, threw her in the closet, dressed in her bonnet and shawl, and snuggled into her bed, waiting for Kim, who he knew would come with her basket of cookies and money.
A while later, Kim arrived at Grandmother’s cottage. As soon as she stepped inside, she noticed something was… off.
“Why, Grandmother,” Kim said, squinting suspiciously, “what big eyes you have!”
“All the better to see those delicious cookies,” the wolf said, trying to look innocent.
“And Grandmother, what big ears you have!” “All the better to hear your sales pitch, my dear.” “And what big hands you have!” Kim added, finally realizing something was wrong.
The wolf jumped out of bed, growling, “All the better to pimp slap you with!” But before he could reach her, Kim held up her basket like a shield.
“Wait! You wouldn’t want to pimp slap me… you really like my cookies!” Kim said quickly, pulling out several cookies and waving them under his nose. “Take these.”
The wolf’s growl softened. He sniffed the cookies. “They do smell good,” he mumbled.
“Of course they do! But they’re even better with a cup of tea,” Kim said, backing toward the kitchen. “Why don’t we sit down, have some tea and cookies, and then we’ll talk?”
Intrigued, the wolf sat at the table. Kim served him cookies and poured a steaming cup of tea. As the wolf munched and sipped, he grew drowsier until finally, he dozed off, his head resting on the table. Kim had slipped her grandmother’s sleeping pills into his tea.
Seizing the moment, Kim opened the closet and freed her grandmother. Together, they tied the wolf up with a leather whip Kim kept in her basket for clients who got a little too greedy. They left him snoring, covered in cookie crumbs.
Soon, the woodcutter arrived, having heard the ruckus. “For a couple of cookies and a happy ending, I’ll carry that sleepy wolf back into the deep woods, far from the village.” The woodcutter wouldn’t harm the wolf�"they did business quite frequently.
From that day on, Kim became famous as the clever young woman who outwitted the pimping wolf. She expanded her business, selling cookies and turning tricks to travelers all across the forest. Grandmother even joined in, baking extra batches to keep up with demand.
And as for the wolf? He waits for the right time�"when Kim steps onto his turf�"to greet her with a mighty pimp slap and ask, “Where’s my money?”
THE END



Becky and The Three Bears

A Parody of Goldilocks



Once upon a time, in a dense and quiet forest, there was a small cozy cottage where the dope man lived. Becky had just left after scoring some top grade smack and was headed home. On her way, she decided she just couldn’t wait and had to find somewhere to do her thing. She wanted to get high and it was a long way home. Becky pulled into a little gas station and headed for the restroom like a hundred times before. She found a quiet stall, locked the door and then she did her shot.


There was another little cottage in the forest where three bears, Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and their little one, Baby Bear lived. They led a peaceful life. Never bothering anyone. They always were careful to lock their doors when they left for the day. But one afternoon, they forgot to latch it.

On the way home Becky noticed the little cottage and realized she hadn’t eaten. She was starving and being high, she didn’t care if it was her house or not. She pulled in the driveway and to her surprise the door was open. “Lucky for me”, she thought as she walked in and made her way to the kitchen. “Wow”’ she said aloud “Dinner is already on the table too”. “This is too perfect,” she thought.
Becky tried the first bowl. “Too hot!” she yelped, almost burning her tongue. The second bowl, though, was icy cold. Finally, she tried the last bowl, which was Baby Bear’s, and it was just right. Without another thought, she devoured the whole thing. “ Since I’m here”, she thought, “I might as well see if there’s anything of value I might be able to trade to the dope man”. Before Becky has the chance to start her search she began to feel drowsy from eating the meal. Apparently the little bear was hell on wheels.

He wouldn’t mind and momma bear just couldn’t take it day after day. She had put a little Xanax in baby bears food to calm him down unbeknownst to Becky. Becky was so sleepy she had to take a nap. She wandered upstairs and found three beds lined up. She tried the first one, but it was stiff and uncomfortable. The second was too soft, like she was sinking into a swamp. But the third bed, Baby Bear’s bed, was just right. She curled up in it, pulled the covers around herself, and before she knew it, she was fast asleep
Suddenly she was awoken by what she thought were the Bear family returning home. There were loud shouts, banging and crashing. Then suddenly the door flew open. As she saw who was standing in the doorway her heart sank.

You see, Becky had nodded out in the gas station bathroom and had dreamed her latest adventure. All was good until the gas station staff couldn’t get into the restroom for an hour and had called the sheriff who had broken down the door.



Luckily for Becky this was the Lincoln County Sheriff's Department. Her initial terror turned to a happy smile when she saw who was putting the cuffs on her. Instead of jail, Becky knew freedom was just a couple blowjobs away.

Becky may or may not have learned a lesson that day. She did, however, learn what lips on a penis could accomplish..

THE END




The Story of Bob And Sue

A Parody Of Hansel And Gretel

Once upon a time, there were two mischievous siblings named Bob and Sue. They were known across the land for their knack as thieves and would steal from anybody. Even their grandmother. They were clever and quick, always escaping without a trace, and they prided themselves on never getting caught.

One day, while wandering on the edge of a dark forest looking for a place to burglarize they caught a whiff of the most delicious smell, freshly baked gingerbread cookies. Following the scent, they discovered an odd little house nestled among the trees. To their amazement, the walls were made of gingerbread, the windows of sugar panes, and the roof of sweet candies. It was the strangest thing they’d ever seen.
Bob smirked and nudged his sister. “A place like this must belong to somebody with money. Who else could afford to build a house like this. This will be the easiest place we’ve ever hit.” he whispered. “Let’s take a look inside. Maybe we’ll find some jewelry or something good we can trade to the dope man.” The dope man would take just about anything on trade as long as he could make a profit.

They slowly and quietly approached the little house. Sue couldn’t contain herself, her mouth already watering as she pulled off a piece of the sugar window and took a bite. It was as delicious as it looked. Together, they crept up to the door and gently pushed it open, slipping into the cozy, dimly lit interior. They carefully looked around as the entered the room looking for anything of value.

The house was as enchanting on the inside as it was on the outside. Shelves were filled with jars of exotic herbs, colorful potions, and strange glimmering objects that they couldn’t quite place. At the center of the room sat a large table laden with treats - gingerbread men, candy and cake.







Before they could explore further, a soft voice broke the silence. “Ah, I see I have visitors!” The siblings turned to see an old woman standing in the doorway. She was small and hunched, her hair a twisted mess of gray, and her eyes sparkled in a way that made Bob and Sue think she wasn't a threat and would be an easy mark. “Hungry, are we?” The old lady asked sweetly. “No need to sneak about, I have plenty to share.” But in the back of her mind the old lady thought, “I bet they're here to steal my stash . I should just off them now and be done with it but I have family coming in and groceries are so expensive. They look like they’d roast nicely.”
Bob and Sue exchanged glances, quickly hiding their surprise. Sue was the best con around. She quickly spoke. ”We’re lost. We broke down just up the road. Do you have a phone that we could use?” Sue said. “Do you have a restroom I could use?” Said Bob. He knew that’s where she might keep her pain meds and figured he could see what he could grab along the way. Bob and Sue weren’t used to getting caught but they had rehearsed this strategy if it ever happened. They let the old woman serve them cakes and candies as they planned their next move. They had no clue they had broken into the most dangerous house in the forest.

After eating their fill, the siblings decided it was time to act. They thanked the old woman and they rose to leave, Bob discreetly slipped a small sack of her glittering potions into his pocket, while Sue grabbed a handful of her strange, shiny trinkets. They hadn’t managed to find much but they hope what they had was valuable.
Just as they turned toward the door, however, they heard a low chuckle behind them. “Oh, my dears,” the old woman said, her voice now thick with a dark amusement, “Did you really think I hadn’t noticed? I’m not some stupid little grandmother. I knew you were up to something as soon as I saw you. You see, you messed up coming here. You have no idea who I am.” It turns out the little old lady was a witch. Not just any witch though. This one also controlled all of the cartel’s distribution for three states.

Before they could react, the room darkened, and the kindly expression faded from the old woman’s face. In its place was something wicked, something ancient. Her eyes burned with a strange, otherworldly light, and her crooked fingers twisted into claws. She raised her arms and hissed, “You thought you could steal from me, eh? Didn’t anyone warn you never to steal from an old lady?”

The siblings backed away, but the door slammed shut with a wave of her hand. A cold fear settled in their stomachs as they realized they were trapped and had really screwed up this time. “You like sweets so much,” the old lady continued, licking her lips. “Well, how about I make a treat out of you? You’ll make a lovely roast for my sister coming in to visit.”



With a flick of her wrist, she bound Bob and Sue in thick, thorny vines that wrapped around their arms and legs, making it impossible to move. They struggled and kicked, but the old lady only laughed, dragging them into the kitchen where a huge, blackened oven waited, crackling with heat.

“I’ll fatten you up with the finest sweets,” she said, a glint of hunger in her eyes, “and then you’ll make a lovely roast.” ”You better let us go!” Sue shouted, “We addicts and we’ll be sick soon and no good for anything!”. The old lady didn’t care. They had brought all of this on themselves.
Days passed as the witch tried to fatten Bob and Sue up with her most decadent treats. But the siblings couldn’t eat and Sue who only weighed 86 lbs anyway couldn’t be fattened up to save her life. Bob wasn’t gaining weight either. Both of them were terribly sick. Eating anything substantial just wasn’t going to happen. They pleaded and begged for anything to make them feel better but the witch enjoyed watching their suffering.

One day, after many failed attempts, the old lady grew impatient. “You’re taking too long to fatten up,” she growled. “It’s time to put an end to this!” “I told you this would happen.” Sue snapped at the old lady with an arrogant tone. “I can still make you into tonight’s dinner.” The old lady snaps back. “My sisters coming in to visit and she loves a good roast.”

She ordered Sue to check the oven to see if it was hot enough. But Sue, ever the quick thinker, feigned confusion. “I’m not sure how,” She said, her voice as sweet as she could make it. “Could you show me? I’m not very smart. I have trouble figuring things out.”

The old lady sighed in exasperation, “That’s bullshit and you know it”, She snapped at Sue. As the old lady, already angry and frustrated, leaned forward to open the oven and to check the heat. She slipped on the wet floor. Just then Bob broke free of his vines. Together Bob and Sue shoved the old lady into the oven and slammed the door shut. “Stupid b*tch!” Bob yelled. “That’ll teach her not to kidnap people!

Hey now we can see what’s here. We can take anything we want!” Sue yells with excitement. The room was filled with the old ladies shrieks and hisses as flames leapt around her, and then, silence. When they were sure the old lady was dead, Bob and Sue searched through her house. They took anything they could find of value. They found a brick of pure china white the old lady had taken from her hidden stash. Bob and Sue were so excited they didn’t even realize there was another 230 kilos behind a false wall in the bathroom.
With bags full of jewelry, money and the most dope they’d ever seen in one place, the siblings made their way out of the gingerbread house, leaving the eerie forest behind. They returned home richer than ever, with a lesson they would never forget:

Even the craftiest thieves must be careful, for some treasures are guarded by powers darker than they can imagine and occasionally unsuspecting old ladies have a killer stash no one would expect to find.



From that day on, Bob went straight. He had enough money that he didn’t need to steal anymore.

Sue, on the other hand, is serving 3 to 5 for breaking and entering. She was just greedy and had decided she would hit every little old lady in the forest. She figured they would be the easiest and most lucrative marks. That was not the case. Now Sue shares a cell with Big Betty. I hear they’re very happy. Big Betty anyway.

THE END