The Line

This happened before the Green Light. I received a prophetic reading from my pastor but ignored it....

The Line

Long Beach Transit Journals

Written on the 111 from Lakewood to Downtown: Via Cell Phone

 

We lined up like we did every Sunday. It was the end of service and time to take the collection which I never minded. I gave what I could. I was five people away from the apostle: an average height, chocolate skinned man of sixty, who had a fashion taste ripped from the better men’s clothing rags. He had a southern voice which reverberated in the speaker system. He probably sounded like Paul. He probably sounded like Peter. He had the gifts of the spirit and once put on you would change your Sundays forever.

On that day, I was hoping to hear good news. Just a while ago good news was rare and bad news seemed to reach my ears everyday. I walked slowly with the line. The church was in a good sized room in a medium sized building next to a large pool hall which I believed was a strip club at one point which I vaguely remember patronizing years ago. But it was a new day and the lustful bizarre was closed for business.

I walked to the front before the altar. I tossed my offering of ten dollars into a small basket held by an auxiliary Minster. The preacher looked at my hands and his eyes opened wide as his voice lowered to a whisper.

"Be very careful where you go."

Goosebumps raised on my arms as my mind wondered: because I went to so many bad places.

Edited in Hot Java on Broadway

Author's Note

Please read and comment. Thank you

Reviews

[Dayran]

Its a curious experience to find prophetic messages with the institutionalized practices of the church. That's something new ... along with charismatic worship and born again experiences. It raises the issue of the separation between faith and reason ... unless a person has an inclination to go fully into the service of faith.

[Judas Hammer]

Thank you professor!

[TL Boehm]

well - this one made me chuckle. that last line is a great hook.

[Judas Hammer]

Thank you very much

[Dark Empress]

Things like this does give us goosebumps. I enjoyed reading it

[Judas Hammer]

it was a crazy time. I should have listened

[Coyote Poetry]

Sometime we gain wisdom and don't want it. I like the description of location and the ending. Good words can make our bad plans go AWOL. A very good opening chapter.
Coyote

[Judas Hammer]

Thanks. I should start listening to that inner and outer voice more

[Coyote Poetry]

All of us listen to what we want to hear. Hard to walk the right path. The right path isn't as fun as the bad one.

[Judas Hammer]

Amen..........

[Leslie Philibert]

Enjoy this too, great mix of clever one-liners, good observation and a sense of fun, but with thoughtful last lines..great job.

[Judas Hammer]

Thank you sir. Happy New Year....

[roarke]

It's not just one thing, it's ALL the things. Your writing style's perception has been let off the leash and is roaming large. This definitely has direction and pace, a bit brief, but I see what you are doing. Nice.

[Judas Hammer]

Thank you so much. That suppose to be before the Green Light but I wrote it later. Nice to see you on here again. thank you for the read and review

[Chris]

" which I never minded I gave what I could." missing a word or a period?
"He had a southern voice which when reverberated in the speaker system." - when? or is this an incomplete sentence?
"Be very carefully where you go." -carefully?

Developing a plotline?

[Judas Hammer]

Thanks for the edit. I made the corrections. Its sort of the beginning to it all...

[Chris]

You're welcome. Typo's bite... "carefure"? Fumbly-fingers get us all. Defining and mapping our stories are hard tasks.

[Celestial Witch Child]

Great work. Short and to the point, while at the same time retaining an amazing level of imagery and detail. You left me intrigued and wanting more. Good job. :)

[Judas Hammer]

Thank you. Thanks for the read and comments. It keeps me motivated.

[Rob Santana]

Your stories are always so clear. Immediately a movie comes to life in my mind. I hope you continue this story.

[Judas Hammer]

Thanks Creeper. It leads into the story the green light...

[Rob Santana]

Ok cool need to check that out. Is it posted?

[Judas Hammer]

yes below this one

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Sensory overload in this writing. The sights, sounds and smells are all there.
The character is written in a way that you feel a bond there. I also like the
way the images in my mind pass in real time. I never feel as if I am reading what
already happened.

[Judas Hammer]

Thank you Zeitgeist...your words mean a lot...