Eden

One of my favorites. (Everything is always picture perfect...)

Eden

You made me into this clay man

Stiff and lifeless, cheap and priceless

And you gave me a leash 

Attached to a clay dog.

So you made me this little house

Roads of cobblestone and beds of foam

And you gave me a telephone

Attached to nothing 

Modelling on airplane wings…

You made me this little clay girl 

Pretty brown eyes as blue as the sky

With her little pony tail 

Made of string 

You made us a little neighbour 

 Ugly and tense, so you made us a clay fence

He has his little Rottweiler

And his midnight tendencies 

Modelling on airplane wings...

You made us a clay city 

With a clay sun, and clay guns

People jogging down the street

Dodging cars 

You made us a hospital

Telemarketer calls, and clay malls

A veterinarian too 

And wooden beds…

Author's Note

Reviews

[Androglossia]

When I go to a writer's page. I pick the best title that hits me head on. And this one did. Did I sense desdain in the poem? Was it for the maker or for the world and the life around it? I love the irony of the poem. I love how you portrayed the word clay. Correct me if I'm wrong but in my understanding, clay represents artificial, bogus, deceit or anything related to that.

Your linguistic style is very captivating and great use of metaphor too. I like the descriptive nature of the story and you have the skill to convey images into the minds on the readers. Well done!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting poem. I like the use of clay to create people and a city. Sometime if we look at life. We are all the same in the end. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Samantha Lynn]

I liked this. It made me feel like you felt you were being used? Or maybe you were being forced to change into what she wanted you to be? But you didn't want to change because you liked you the way you are? Idk, but that is the vibe I got from this and I hope that is what you are trying to get out? lol Anyways, that is my take on this. Great job! I love reading all your poems. send me more!! :D haha

[L. Edward Neale]

You have a rare originality and a raw talent. And this is no exception. Bravo another cranking piece. I hope for sake of good writing everywhere you are trying to get your stuff published in other places too.

[sienikeha]

this is great! love the flow, the images, the story

[Cree Nations]

Good write I enjoyed the read

[minette]

This is certainly one of my favorites out of your pieces.
Very well written. The way you describe your clay world, and your choice in words is spectacular.

[Dayran]

This reminds me of the small clay towns in the mid-east that seem to rise from the ground up and blends in with everyting else. Clay being the color of earth is where we are finally headed as the home. And then to find out what more....as your poem asks.

[Lily Mae]

We are all clay in the hands of each other.. Very creative:) xo