Counting Explosions

 

Outside, slates of light like Frisbees tilt,

Reflect, strike tree trunks, and fall into puddles.

Their flights go smothered, steaming, in those

Water putties, blotched and smeared, their

Glossy sharp edges cracked and jagged.   

 

Inside, broken window, those glints rolling

Like coins on the carpet, slowly toppling over.

All their flights are safely landed -- they, celebrating;

Shoot dust up like confetti, watching it float soft like

Stray feathers  

Author's Note

Reviews

[Edmund S. Obumba]

Nice writing again

[Junert]

Written well. Though with a somehow disturbing picture, it's nice.

[Sam Gregory]

This is very vivid, flows smoothly too. I didn't like the flow of the first line tho, I feel "light like" kinda throws it off a bit when read aloud. Apart from that very good work :)

[Mockingbird]

brought to mind lightning striking and all things shattering coming down in bits of glass like a shower. pretty imagery.

[Kristin]

I love the word choice and imagery you put into such a small write it made it seem much larger than what it is and is overall a beautiful write!!

[Barbara Walker]

Excellent diction and imagery. Word choices are great, though the word Frisbee made me do a double take. Had to really think about that! Thanks for sharing!

[eglantine]

While I appreciate your attempt at singular imagery with the Frisbee image, I just can't warm up to it, perhaps some other image? Best lines: "Inside, broken window, those glints rolling / Like coins on the carpet, slowly toppling over." Wonderful image! Thanks for sharing!

[Sami Khalil]

Good language and imagery...:)

[Michael G.]

A good description of sunlight and all that seemingly goes with it.
Well done.

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Very cool poem :)