Stardust (The Gloaming. The Pharmacy)

Stardust   (The Gloaming. The Pharmacy.)

A resting potential

Wrapped inside a batter blanket

As groggy as that all sounds

As tiresome as this has become. 

We were once catching stardust

On the edge of a plastic dream

And as we dissolved into the gloaming 

We unravelled at the seams. 

The middle of the night has reared its head. 

Why did we have to be the ones to get out of bed?

All we ever knew is fading.. 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Jordan A. Wilson]

I really dig this. I'm getting two people comfortable in their thoughts and dreams while sleeping, only to be abruptly pulled from that slumber by either an occurrence in said dream or something in the "real world". I could be way off but that is the picture I received from this lol.

[Dayran]

The reference to catching stardust may be in relation to the birth of a new life where that may be pointing to a particular responsibility it is born to undertake. It implies a additional resource, we may need that is more than stardust.

[Laura Maidah]

"As groggy as that all sounds" don't reference phonetics in this particular setting. Usually, it draws a reader back to POV issues. It's a little blaring and abrupt, like a bipolar narrator, especially because you reference "we". You also don't clarify who this "we" is. A friend of the MC and the narrator? Or the MC and the readers?

[Celestial Witch Child]

I love it, I'm just not sure if I understand the first stanza.

[.....]

I like it, I like the progression of it. Your word choice is good in this and the flow is nice. The structure is formatted well. You have good imagery and use of metaphor in this. It goes really well with the music you posted as well. My only criticism and it is more a pet peeve of mine and personal opinion is that the first word of each line is capitalized which can throw off the flow, having me come to a full stop at the end of each line even though it doesn't end a sentence. Your flow was pretty good here and I did my best to overlook the capitalization, but it was still a bit off putting for me.

Blessings, Tammy

[alissa]

simple & meaningful. i can feel the sadness, like i've been here before. it touched my soul. thank you :)

[Pax]

nice music combine to the images of the poem. wonderful write my friend.

[Coyote Poetry]

Good music and amazing poetry. Goal of a writer or poet is to create thoughts. You did. I like how you use the poem to take the reader to places and deep thoughts. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Lily Mae]

To walk the edge of the universe and live in the stardust dreams.. only to be left in lifes fading energy.. I really could feel this and the music was perfect..xo

[Kimberly "Melody" Carne..]

Gloaming=twilight; dusk. Very nice word choice. I truly loved this and enjoyed the music which set the perfect sensory effect. Very well done.