My Wreath of Thorns

a therapeutic piece

A flower wilts beneath dark shade,

and life, it sinks to sullen art.

A tear flows down ... sorrows pervade.

A wreath of thorns lies in my heart.

Dark clouds entrap the sky in gray

~ they form before soft showers start.

Again, a tear must drown my day ...

A wreath of thorns lies in my heart.

Within these hours, the world has cried,

and earth in tears has torn apart.

A golden mask would fail to hide

the wreath of thorns within my heart.

The sun now beams amid dark clouds

in vain to make my cries depart,

yet still, my soul's in tearful shrouds.

A wreath of thorns lies in my heart.

Author's Note

The rough draft of this piece can be found on my blog ... I'd really appreciate it if you compared that version to this one. Thank you for reading. As always, constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged.

The image is from Google Images.

Reviews

[Relic]

I've read both and this has more of a flow to it. It looks as though you've taken the important parts of the sentence and put them on the end which I've learned is a correct way to write.

You've expressed your sorrow in a way that is smooth. I remember reading that repetition is good when staggered, but I like the repetition at the end of each stanza and I think that fits well.

There is a poem called, "we are seven" BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH.
Your last stanza: "but still, my soul's in tearful shrouds.
A wreath of thorns lies in my heart." reminds me of that poem.

A great job here William.

[William Liston]

Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad this piece could remind you of Wordworth's poem. Thanks again for your review.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

"Again, a tear must drown my day ...
A wreath of thorns lies in my heart."

This is bittersweet and beautiful. I think we each have our cloud and a guardian angel to chase it away. Sometimes, she/he just takes a little long to do so.

[William Liston]

I think I agree with you, Linda.
Thank you for your kind reviews.

[Raven Moonchild]

The depth of this poem nearly put me in tears. :) Bravo,sir.

[William Liston]

Glad it could.
Thank you, Raven.

[Maria]

Love the depth implied to each word. And its very heart felt.

[William Liston]

Thank you, Maria : )

[richieb]

Deep imagery to show the pain that exists in your heart. Your words speak intently yet flow easily. Your poem casts an air of gloom but with character instead of "woe is me". This work is deep yet reads easily. Fine write.
Richie b.

[William Liston]

Thank you for your kind words, Richie. Whenever I write a poem (especially a sad one), I try to be artistic instead of relying on the reader's sympathy/empathy alone ... in other words, I don't want it to give the "woe is me" impression. So I really appreciate you saying that.

[Bacchus]

if the thorns are in the heart...
does it come to new life- with a golden crown
or is it choked out by the thorns...

two different ways
definitely not the same

[William Liston]

You're right ... pain can either break us or make us stronger.
Thanks for reading.

[mum]

I like the repeat on this. it keeps you connected. great work

[William Liston]

Thank you.

[Fahmida Mehreen]

The concluding stanza leaves a very vivid imagery anf powerful thoughts in the readers' mind. Much relatable for most people.

Good read.

[William Liston]

Thank you.
I'm glad you enjoyed.

[littlemisspoop]

Beautifully written. Loved it. Keep writing!!!

[William Liston]

Thank you.

[Kelly Scheppers]

You totally absorb your reader. Gorgeous rhyme and feel to this, William. When you are moved by something, why question it?

[William Liston]

Thank you so much for your kind words, Kelly. I'm glad you enjoyed : )

[Quinn W]

Dear God, this is beautiful. You never cease to amaze me. The metaphor and application of this poem is phenomenal. Whenever I read your poetry, I can imagine the scene in my head. I just know that one day you will have a collections of poetry book.
I loved the repetition and the emotion was conveyed so well. I could feel it, myself in a wonderful yet traumatizing way. It was perfect.

[William Liston]

Thank you so much for your kind words : )
I'm glad you enjoyed!