Ice Tea with a Whale

Ice Tea with a Whale

 

Tongue came forth in all its state,

Heckling over a child’s dinner plate,

The liquid chilled with ice on her lap,

Her lips bowed, soothed by mother’s smile.

 

To the callous whale, an ocean or sea,

His voracious tongue lashing,

Like an ax to a tree,

Eyes unforgiving and piercing.

 

But, whilst the pitcher bursting,

His hand and twisting appendage,

Working together in unison,

The mighty avengers fell,

 

By the tiniest tap, and like a spigot

It did flow….

The blow hole burst forth,

Rockets of liquid laughter,

Observed his unperfected banter.

 

His tongue now wonders lonely about,

Not a peep, not a sound,

His uncaring words drown by his worth.

Reviews

[Stonz P.]

Well, I got the idea that a whale and its child are at dinner but I got lost towards the end... I could not really figure out what it stands for.. except that the whale is rendered quiet by his own action.. Maybe, I did not really get it..
About its structuring, the flow is there and rhymes are here and there but that is not something that irks me.. maybe 'traditional poets' might find it not suiting to their tastes..

[Confuser]

Now, that input I did so need. A father, mother and daughter go in a diner to eat; she spills her small glass of tea (her lips bowed, soothed by mother's smile) and he acts like: an ocean or a sea, everyone hears in; the waitress brings a full pitcher of tea (he spilled the entire pitcher upon himself): true story! Karma. Probably too close to the event to write it properly. (apendages, whale his arm & tongue: gave him arms) and of course the whale is the mean father. You got the ending.

[icelandicblue]

I am swallowed up by your words. What a great image of the whale and all that stands in his way.

[wordman]

you have a beautiful imigination,the imagery was great

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

You have so much talent, Dale. Great imagery, beautiful metaphors. I have read it already five times and still I discover new things in it. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem. :) Rudi

[Confuser]

Thank you so much Rudi! Wrote it this am. Was shouting at my dogs & the birds: "They like it, hooray!" You are the talent, but thanks for reading.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

You're too humble, do believe it, when I say that you have talent. :) Rudi

[Confuser]

I just went to your site; looking for chap. 2 Stone, nothing happened;humm I'll go back

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

I haven't posted a chapter 2 from stone, maybe next week. I don't know yet. Have first work to do for the next chapter of 'The Woman in Red'. :) Rudi

[MomzillaNC]

Intriguing. I see shades of Jonah and Pinocchio, and those barbarous little tyrants we all host at our dinner tables, hoping to teach them to be more elegant when there's company. My own little barbarian is ever appalling at the table.

[Matching Socks]

It has that same feel and eager anticipation as waiting on the piñata to burst spewing candy for the kids.
Very creative Dale.

[Laura Lynn]

wow, I have never read anything like it! Every word is used to a metaphor and creates a lovely effect of what is both a whale of a tale and a scene at the dinner table at once, with the whales we already see scenes of Jonah and the whale or Pinocchio with his cat and the old man...it is quite amazing!

[anne]

loved reading...something new and really well penned...beauty...:))

[willweb]

Definitely thought provoking Dale and I loved the title. I feel a sadness flowing through this, as if I am an onlooker to something that disturbs me. But, you ending brings hope that those who hurt shall in turn receive their own...I realy enjoyed this today.

[armin]

Dale ,the start was tremendously done.
Tongue came forth in all its state,
Heckling over a child’s dinner plate,

Equally the mid part was keen interesting. Given below was my favourite stanza.
By the tiniest tap, and like a spigot
It did flow….
The blow hole burst forth,
Rockets of liquid laughter,
Observed his unperfected banter
And at last you gave the poem a great end. Overall you weaved this piece of work masterly and I enjoyed it. And I praise you for the title too 'Ice tea with a whale', much like disney style LoL...... quite interesting. Thanks for sharing it, I enjoyed the write.