Pawn

They say I deserve better, but what if this abyss of depression and s**t is all I can handle?

What if all I ever wanted is gone and now I struggle to hold on?

What if in the struggles of day to day I fail to find my way?

What if you were always my only way?

What if I think about you every day?

I cry at night and it keeps me awake.

I’m dead during the day and it keeps the tears at bay.

I never wanted to be a pawn, but I will if it’s the only way I get to play.

To play this game that you’ve started to play.

To be this pawn that you’ve threatened to slay.

Regardless of everything I love you.

Regardless of my love for you I hate you.

I wait.

I wait for all the love to dissipate for all the love to turn to hate.