Boreas

Just something that came out while this winter continues to depress me...

Boreas release me from your grasp
As the cold numbs my every sense
While you stab me from within
My memories won’t dim
Of springs that will not be again
As I released them from my clasp

Oh mighty north wind I plea
Show me some compassion
Let the sun melt away my affliction
Before it becomes my addiction
Let me regain some traction
So once again I can be free

Let me seek this one absolution
Deliverance from my torments
Entrapped within these icicles
Which only serve as spectacles
That aid me see the torrent
Created by my own delusion

The endless whiteness of this landscape
Imprisons me in absolute seclusion
Long decayed bones my companions
While I seek some course of action
Which will grant me absolution
From my senseless mandate

I can’t undo what has been done
I can’t bring back what has been lost
But once the cold flees back north
I will regain my self-worth
Regardless of the cost
So I can face again my son

Author's Note

Boreas is the greek god of the north wind and winter.

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

I think this has some good moments, and a good foundation (I always love an "ode"), but it's missing that extra "oomph" that would transform it from a set of sentences broken into lines and stanzas into a poem. Basically, the way it reads is as if you wrote this plea to Boreas as a paragraph and then arranged the sentences in lines: each line or pair of lines ends an idea ("I can't undo what has been done") ("Which will grant me absolution/ From my senseless mandate"). What feels strange then, with this arrangement, are the lines where the syntax departs from normal sentence structure ("That aid me see the torrent") ("Long decayed bones my companions"). I think you need to decide if you want this poem to have normal syntax or "archaic" syntax and then mold all the lines to fit that way. I also think that, if this is a poem where the speaker is tormented, the language needs to be stronger and the ideas and lines need to feel more choppy. This could even be a moment for a well-designed sonnet, if you wanted to explore that idea.

[Al R. Arce]

Wow! You have become my most hardcore reviewer! I wish more people were like that as reviews like yours help me become a better writer. For instance the switch between archaic and modern syntax was something I never really paid attention to. It was simply moved by my search of rhyme. As far as the purpose of the poem, there wasn't really one. I had not written a poem in a while and all I could think of was the hated cold weather I am entrapped in. Other than that I just let myself float within the verses with really no direction. All I did on purpose was not to reveal the nature of the torment just to keep it interesting. Even the end took me by surprise!
Most of my time I write on Chryson my Greek story. You'll be glad to know I've adopted a couple of your suggestions in it! I am half way in second draft and I see a third one in the works before it comes out! This forum has helped me a lot in maturing my writing so I see my poetry as a means to learn things that will make my prose better, so keep the comments comming.
Thanks!

[DaughterNature]

Oh, thank you! I'm glad to hear that my (possibly harsh) way of reviewing is appreciated! That is wonderful, I will be sure to check out Chryson again!

[Tea]

Sorry I took so long to read this amazing poem.

WOW! Such an awesome write Cemi! :)