Ice and Fire

a more abstract vision about being torn between cold and warm, between sky and earth

A bud from a stone, a light down in the wind,

My puzzled eyes aiming an acanthus flower,

Stars falling again on this white temple columns,

The sky wrapping all in a blanket of felt.

 

The night pushes further my heart’s customs line,

Where orange and red are slowly dissolving,

The earth within me and its whole fleeting life

Pass without their shadow through fiery ice.

 

Closer and closer, blue in my dreams,

Trembling volcanoes are lost amid waters.

At dawn, under arches, ruins and smoke,

The sun’s foggy phantom searches his way.

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

I like the rhythms here, though the rhyme is absent. As a convinced rhymer, I couldn't help but think the last verse had potential, viz;

Closer and closer, blue in my dreams,
Trembling volcanoes are lost amid waters.
At dawn, under arches, ruins and smoke,
The sun’s foggy phantom will search out his daughters.

Sorry, couldn't help myself - lol.

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

Thanks a lot. I find very constructive your comment and I like the way you transformed my last stanza/verse. Interesting point of view. Maybe I will rewrite it in a second version with rhymes at the end of each line. Thanks.

[BLBrown]

Yes I like this poem very much. I like the contrast of hot and cold, light and dark. It's very abstract almost to be point of lacking meaning unless you take notice of these contrasts, which I think is your objective.

I too would like to see rhyme here as stated in the featured review. Some work on consistent syllables would help to improve the flow. Then again, if you just want free form then you have that here. Thanks for sending this to me. I adore abstract poetry. When you are up to it, you can check out an abstract shape poem of mine, an easy read:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/bbrown/976404/