Contest entry: Depression

Broken promises lay like broken bottles.

I feel.

Nothing.

For I have already overcame the sad part.

The part where I wept and screamed and teared at my hair.

The part where I cared.

Now all I have is emptiness.

I don't have the energy to stand up.

To wash my body. To cater my needs. I could die like this.

But do I care?

I don't even know anymore.

Humans.

They can't survive like this.

Without a purpose. Without meaning.

I won't survive but I will live.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. Should I be grateful?

Or shaken by this realization.

Now all I have is this body.

This human thing.

Myself clinging to it with desperation.

Why do I bother?

I could fly away. Become a bird.

Be free.

But there is nothing I am fleeing from.

Only myself.

And not even the highest grounds nor the coldest winds can free myself from that person.

Now all I have is the memory.

Of happier times.

When I believed to have a purpose.

Did I ever have one?

Or was I merely blind.

How can I dwell on the past when I don't have a future.

I lay here.

I'm not sure how long it has been. Time is of no importance.

I should move.

But all I have is my apathy.

When was the last time I ate?

I don't know.

But there is one thing I know.

No matter what I feel.

There is always.

This one thing.

I am deeply aware of.

I don't believe it to be true but it always happens.

I will move.

And I will wash my body.

I will begin to awake from my fossilized form.

And I will live.

But now is not the time.

There is no energy. And I feel my mind slow down.

Maybe I should sleep for a while.

Nothing can hurt you while you sleep.

Maybe that is happiness.

That feeling of comfort.

I don't know.

But there is one thing.

I know.

Now all I have is knowledge.

Of something that is going to happen.

It does not give me hope.

But I know.

And I let myself rest.

Broken bottles lay like broken minds and if mine isn't the most absurdly shattered.

Author's Note

If you are triggered by anything related to depression please do not read this.