Pool Boy

A teenager caught in a life threatening situation at a pool party tries in vain to attract the attention of his peers.

Kicking out, pain spiked through my legs, my heart skipped a beat, they had cramped. I was out of breath, out of hope. As I sank further into the brilliant blue of the chlorine infused waters, I churned, flailed, struggled, in the fight for life. I was reduced to prayer; prayer for help, for guidance, for a savior, all I needed was one, just one, just this once to notice me, to detect my distress, my presence. No one came, I was forgotten, no, I was never remembered. Eyes wide, open; the light was guided out of them.

Author's Note

Keep in mind that this is a hundred word story.
Did you like it? What are your thoughts on the short story? What did you think of the description and writing style? Please put forth your honest opinion.

Reviews

[J.S. Grey]

Nice story for only one-hundred words. Sounds like a desperate man in an unsuccessful attempt to be noticed.

[Kurayami]

I think you can use words that are more descriptive.