The Comfort of No

Chapter 1

The Comfort of No

I never liked surprises.

There’s something safe about a schedule�"about knowing exactly how your day will unfold before your feet even hit the floor. My summer mornings always started the same way: black coffee in the chipped mug I stole from my dad’s cabinet, a quiet walk to the beach before it got crowded, then back home before anyone could ask why I was out at all.

The routine wasn’t boring. It was survival.

The beach looked the same as it had the morning before�"and the hundred mornings before that. Pale sand, a strip of calm blue, seagulls circling like clock hands. My shadow stretched long in the early sun, following me as I traced the same path along the shoreline, sneakers in hand, jeans rolled up just enough to keep from getting soaked. The breeze smelled like salt and sunscreen, and faintly of something new I didn’t trust.

Somewhere near the lifeguard stand, I paused. Cam’s voice echoed in my head from the night before:
“One day, you’re going to have to let life in, Jay.”

I’d laughed it off, of course. I always did. But his words lingered�"sticky and stubborn.

I was halfway through convincing myself that nothing would change this summer�"because nothing ever did�"when a voice, loud and unfamiliar, cut through the quiet like a wave crashing too close to shore.

“Hey! You’ve seen where they keep the rescue boards?”

I turned. And just like that, my summer�"my predictably safe, perfectly structured summer�"was over before it had even begun.

I squinted toward the voice. A guy stood by the lifeguard tower, looking completely at ease in the center of my carefully controlled world. Tall, sun-tanned, messy blond hair permanently windblown, and the kind of easy confidence that made people naturally want to be near him. He wore the red lifeguard shirt, untucked, sleeves pushed up, like even the rules couldn’t cling to him for long.

He noticed me staring and grinned. “You work here, or just an early-morning beach creeper?”

I blinked, caught off guard. “Excuse me?”

He jogged over, sand kicking up behind his bare feet. “Sorry�"bad joke. I meant, do you know where they stash the rescue boards? I was told they’d be near the stand, but I’m thinking someone was lying.”

“Uh… yeah.” I pointed to the storage shed tucked behind the dunes. “Locked up until the beach officially opens.”

“Figures.” He scratched the back of his neck, then stuck out his hand. “I’m Alex, by the way. New lifeguard.”

I hesitated a second too long before shaking it. “Jayden.”

“Jayden,” he repeated, as if testing the shape of the name. “Nice to meet you, Jayden-who-walks-the-beach-at-dawn.”

I pulled my hand back, already regretting this interaction. “It’s quite early in the morning. That’s all.”

“Or you like avoiding people,” he said, not unkindly.

I looked at him�"really looked. Most people didn’t say things like that out loud. Most didn’t look right at you when they said them either.

Before I could think of a reply, he smiled again and added, “Well, you found me now. So much for that plan.”

And just like that, the quiet morning air felt crowded. I gave a stiff nod and turned to leave, hoping the conversation was over.

Behind me, I heard him call out, “See you around, Jayden.”

I didn’t answer. But for the first time all summer, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stick to my routine.

Author's Note

Please give any conceptual or grammatical feedback as long as it is not too negatively opinionated. Thanks

Reviews

[JayG]

Take a deep breath, because this, while not about talent, will sting.

At the moment you’re caught in the most common trap in fiction writing—common because to the author, it’s invisible. For example:

• I never liked surprises.

For you, who havethe backstory, not the setting and who we are, this works as t should.

For the reader? Someone unknown, so far as gender, age, culture, country, and year of birth, claims they don’t like “surprises.” So...if they win the lottery they don’t like it? If they learn that they got a better grade in school than expected that’s something to dislike? Not what you meant, of course, but it is what you told the reader, because your intent for how the words are to be taken doesn’t make the page.

Were this submitted as part of a query, here is where the rejection would come, because you’ve not addressed the three issues that will provide context for the reader.

• There’s something safe about a schedule—about knowing exactly how your day will unfold before your feet even hit the floor.

What possible reason is there to tell the reader something that everyone already knows? This isn’t story. Story happens. It's the author talking about THEIR beliefs, which they’ve assigned to the protagonist. But readers want raw meat, not info-dumps and generalities. They want you to make them feel they're LIVING the events, not hearing about them secondhand.

• My summer mornings always started the same way: black coffee in the chipped mug I stole from my dad’s cabinet, a quiet walk to the beach before it got crowded, then back home before anyone could ask why I was out at all.

Who cares? Are you burning to know how I start my day? Of course not. Story ISN’T the author reporting and explaining. You’re using first person pronouns to make it seems as if you once lived the events. But is there really any difference between: “I was halfway through convincing myself that nothing would change this summer...” And “He was halfway through convincing himself that nothing would change this summer...”

In both cases, someone other than the one living the events is talking about them. And when you read the words the narrator’s voice is filled with the emotion that you feel belongs there—based on knowledge the reader doesn't possess. But...can the reader know how you’d perform as storyteller? Nope. So what works for you is the dispassionate voice of someone who is living at a time and place different from the one who lived the events, for the reader.

Two major problems are tripping you:

First, because you already know the story, when writing it you leave out things that seem obvious, like whose skin we wear, who or what “Cam is,” and why their simplistic advice was given...and matters. Lacking all the backstory that gives you context to make the lines meaningful, it can’t work.

Second is that when you read it you perform as the storyteller, placing emotion into your audible and visual performance—neither of which reach the reader. They have only what your words suggest, based on THEIR life-experience, not your intent.

What you’ve forgotten is that they’ve been refining the skills of the Commercial Fiction Writing profession for centuries. And like every other profession, those skills are acquired IN ADDITION to the nonfiction report-writing skills we’re given in school. But, the pros make it seem so natural and easy that we never realize that we can no more write fiction without it’s skills than write a screenplay, work as a journalist, or perform surgery without the skills of the relevant profession.

Wilson Mizner said: “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So, research. Dig into those missing skills and make them yours. They make the act of writing fiction a LOT more fun.

Take a look at Jack Bickham’s, Scene and Structure. I think you’ll find it eye-opening. And techniques like the Motivation-Reaction Unit can bring your writing to life.

https://archive.org/details/scenestructurejackbickham

So...this was definitely not what you were hoping to see. But given that the problems are invisible to the author, and we‘ll never address the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

. . . . . . . .

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

“In sum, if you want to improve your chances of publication, keep your story visible on stage and yourself mum.”
~ Sol Stein

[D_Williams13]

Thank you for this wonderful feedback. I have started implementing some of this while editing the novel. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back. Work has overwhelmed me. Once again, thanks for the feedback.

Best
Daniel Williams