Ghost Guts

An attempt to show not tell.

Streaks of silvery light, danced upon the silent ground.

Tombstone like jagged teeth, stood firm , guarding ancient secrets.

An iron fence circled the field , keeping the living out or the dead locked in?

Two small figures darted and danced, skipped and hopped between the headstones.

" Laurie where are the ghosts."

"Asleep"?

"Maybe. I think their hiding".

"Silly ghosts, hiding from us".

" i wanta see ghosts.  I wanta punch a ghost and see ghost guts".

Laurie tapped tapped tapped on a tombstone. "Do ghosts have guts?"

"Wake em up. I wanta punch a ghost. I want to see if their solid or not. Will my hand go thru or get covered in green ghost gut slime?".

Laurie knocked on a grave." Ghosts wake up. We want to see your guts. Are guts purple or grey? Do ghost guts wriggle or jiggle.? "

" I Kimberly demand that you ghosts wake up! I want to tickle, and poke your bellies. I want to see your guts".

A pair of headlights glided thru the grave yard.

Laurie and Kimberly dived to the damp earth. Avoiding detection of the headlighs by seconds.

They clung to the ground until the car drove away.

"That was close. These ghosts aren't waking up. Let's go home"

" ok, no ghost guts tonight".

Laurie stood up and felt something cold and wet against her cheek. She brushed it off, but it slid over her hand, down her arm and flooded her pants."I'm all wet?"

"Look over there".

A wisp of white light floated in the air. It expanded, it grew, it reached the sky. "GOOD EVENING. UNINVITED GUESTS. COME CLOSER SEE MY GUTS".

"Run" Laurie sloshed , leaving a trial of dripping, oozing, slimy, cold slush. Kimberly slid on the slush, slammed into the dirt and dragged herself to the gate. Laurie oozing slime slid through the iron posts. 

,"help me" Kimberly wailed, dragging herself to the fence. Laurie grabbed her slippery slimy arms and pulled her thru the posts.

Shivering, shaking, clinging to each other, feet frozen to the cement, they glanced thru the fence.

Silvery moonlight danced among the tomb stones. Spanish moss hung from oak trees. Crickets sang, bats flew.

"GOOD-BYE "

 

Author's Note

Trying to show description not tell

Reviews

[RomaJ]

This was such a fun and eerie read! I’m stunned (and laughing a little) at the idea of two little girls running around a cemetery, wanting to punch " ghost guts." The dialogue really nails that childlike curiosity and mischief, and it makes the ending hit even harder when things suddenly get chilling. You’ve definitely succeeded in "show, not tell" here. I could see the scene play out like a short film, with all the little details bringing it to life. Playful, unsettling, and cinematic all at once!

[NightmareNumber6]

Great descriptions. I hope the girls learned their lessons after this. Rest in peace, ghosts.

[Carrie]

Never saw a ghost in the cemetary, just drunks.

[LH Weiss]

Very ooky spooky. I can picture well how springy and lightfooted the two protagonists are.

[Carrie]

Hope you enjoyed