A Mother's Love

The pleasurable torture of the bottomless depths of love a mother feels for her young child.

Your delicate limbs embrace me like the wiry roots of a small flower

Weak, translucent but with determined and hidden veracity

Asking the question “Will you cling back?”

But you already know the answer because my grip is greater still

Revealing just how deep-rooted the love that binds me to you is

Sometimes it suffocates you

 

I watch you grasping at untainted air, snatching gulps of loveless oxygen

Tasting it with an inquisitive tongue

Trying it on, seeing how it feels

Intrepid attempts now; practice for when you are fully grown

I can but brace myself for that future tearing of my heart

Impossible to imagine yet the one most guaranteed

 

Loosen my grip, let the flower grow

When every instinct screams to tighten, and not let go

Author's Note

I've not spent a great deal of time on this so I'm sure it could be much improved upon - really interested though to hear initial feedback.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

A nice read and write...Thank you for sharing...:)

[zainul]

May I generalize as parents' love?
I appreciate your concept.
Last two lines ventilate your message.
You may take these as foundation and modify the first stanzas over months.
In the meantime write new poems,post them and get reviewed by wonderful writers.

How your daughter responds to the pleasurable torture of the bottomless depths of your love?

[soliloquy]

Nicely done!

But, Is the word 'untainted' needed? And are the quotes around "will you cling back" necessary? Just a few thoughts for you.

[DaniP]

Thank you!

Yes, I totally see your point, possibly not, no! And thanks for offering it, I really appreciate critical feedback. I find judging my own poetry harder even than judging my own cooking, ie pretty near impossible! I read novels a lot more than I do poetry so I think that makes it harder for me to be able to judge what works and what doesn't. I do enjoy doing it though!

[Steve]

I appreciate the wisdom at the end of this. The rest is sweet and well described.

[DaniP]

Thank you Steve :)

[Steve]

ummmm.. I posted my last comment under someone elses review. I guess I am not very observant! lol

I really like the term in the preface...pleasurable torture. How unique and appropriate.

[Holly Mason]

filled with emotion
like the flow of your wording much
thank you for sharing

[DaniP]

Thank you Holly! Reading it again the first stanza is more like prose but poetry is pretty uncharted waters for me so I suppose I can only keep at it and keep learning! Looking forward to reading more of yours :)

[Rahul]

so sweet and nice of you it;s been shown by this write :)
i liked this piece...and you dropped here much effort making this piece it's also showed by your words...may i know are you married ? it's not offensive (sorry, if it sucks you) !

[DaniP]

Thanks for your kind comments and being the first to review my first piece of work! I'm not married, but not really looking - if that was the purpose of that question! Thanks again for the comments on the piece, Dani