Small acts of kindness

Short story about different opinions on helping people. It is very simplistic. I wanted it that way- not flowery and exuberant.

                           She wanted to imagine that he was on her side but she knew he was a mercenary at heart. Her greatest cause could be underwhelming to him. 'I don't like owing anybody anything' he mumbled while avoiding her eyes. She was standing in the doorway just glaring at him. It had been such a long day and he was mocking the bags under her eyes. He flipped quietly through a a magazine- The Bulletin, it was no surprise. She sat down on the sofa quietly waiting some continuation on his favourite subject. He looked up and quizzed her expression, 'you can't do anything about it so why should you sacrifice yourself nothing?' 'No one will thank you' he concluded. At her core she was terrified he was right.

Her conscience started rustling around again. Surely these small insignificant acts can help, somewhere, somehow. 'I could just leave some food and a blanket' she trailed off. 'It's bitterly cold out tonight'. 'You can't save the world!' he retorted as she got up and went to the linen press, 'If you give every hopeless mess a blanket we'll be freezing ourselves soon enough'. She ignored him and promptly chose the mint green blanket at the top of the pile.

She walked past him as he eyed her from the sofa. He rolled his eyes and went back to reading. She opened the refrigerator. Right in the middle lay a tray of freshly made sandwiches. She grabbed two- beef and cheese and placed them neatly on a a plate. She placed the charity outside on the table. She knew that the man had been sleeping in the vegetable patch- gnawing away at her carrots so he was bound to find the sandwiches and blanket on the table.

She glanced around, almost a little scared but could make very little out without the help of moonlight. It was a black night, the sort of night where unexplained noises send shivers up your spine. She pulled up the collar on her jacket in a feeble attempt to fight the cold and turned her back against the night for the warmth and safety of her hearth. She knew looking at the measly pile of kindness sitting on the table that this in itself was considered a luxury by some. Her conscience had stopped rebelling against her desire for serenity for a moment in time.

Author's Note

This is just a draft, a stream of ideas.

Reviews

[Richard]

Good descriptions and flow. My only criticism is a grammatical one. When writing speech there should be a new line and an indentation whenever a new person starts speaking. I know this may seem like nit-picking, but things like this are important if a writer wants to look professional. I didn't realise until the end, however, that this was just a draft, so I don't know if you plan on correcting this.

[spence]

This short has a really interesting premise and i think it could easily be expanded with a high degree of success. The opinions are juxtaposed nicely between the 'everyday' couple, which means many people will identify with it at a very fundamental level. Also in that context, it already succesfully reflects the two collective views of giving charity in mainstream society.
In it's current form this reads a bit like 'prose poetry', but I definitely think this idea is worth working on. It could be a wake up call for some people. Oh yeah- I'm on the girls' side by the way!
Take care, spence

Good start. I can't have anything to say that hasn't already be said. I agree with Richard's criticism. Things like grammar are very important to anyone who wants publication, or a higher ranking on this site. Keep working on this story.

[Cedric D. Jr.]

This is good so far. The principle is easily conveyed here, and intrigue holds the reader long enough to realize it. Also, accurately representing both of the main perspectives with regard to the principle isn't easy, but it's well executed in this one.