Insomnia

Creature of the Night

4am knows my name, knows my state
In the silent darkness, I sit alone
Drowning in a Sea of fear and false hope
My blurry vision is beyond 20/20
Desperately, my mind witholds sleep from me
Night Owls cant hold a candle to my insomnia
Deep, disturbing thoughts consume my head
The endless tears I shed hold no mercy for my well-being
Stars in the Sky know my secrets, know my true soul
Once, a fence protected my heart
Now, a metal shield prevents further damage
I hold no liking towards the Sun and day sky
They are bright and have everyones attention
The night is silent, no need to pretend
Of course happiness and light exist, isnt that great?
But to acknowledge the avoidable chatter of depression,
And to know some are dying inside at 4am...
Thats a whole new ballpark, a whole new power

Reviews

[Taz]

Yay new vocabulary word. Insomnia is the state of not being able to sleep. Thanks for your great use of big words. They make me have a better knowledge. Lol. Now to the poem, one of the best ones I have seen from you yet, it still bewilders me how you can write such great free verse! I declare that I will one day learn your secret! Lol I am sorry I am in a state of overwhelming casanada currently.

[emipoemi]

I've skimmed through about three or four of your poems, and this one I gotta say has the most potential. This honestly displays in full emotional power that the poet is alive and is in it. It's all written beautifully! Stunning! And the only critique I have of it is the fourth line up from the last would be all the more powerful if it's just "Happiness and light exist". The other words in that line are deadwood, and in a poem as brilliant as this, those types of words stick out like sore thumbs. I would also suggest a semicolon or a dash in the last line rather than a comma. But other than that, Brava!! An amazing piece!! Well freaking done!

[William Liston]

I've struggled with insomnia before (not so much lately), so I could definetely relate to this piece. The line "stars in the sky know my secrets" especially resonated with me because on some nights when I can't go to sleep, I just look at the night sky through my window and feel a little calmer. I also thought the "fence" and "metal shield" comparision was strong in that it shows how the speaker's heart is encaged and keeps everyone out. Overall, this was a thought-out, relatable poem.

As far as critiques are concerned, I think the thoughts within the poem are mostly clear and coherant, but there were a few areas that tripped me up:

- The line "my blurry vision is beyond 20/20" is a little misleading because the word "beyond" has a positive connotation; because of this, it suggests that your vision is better than 20/20, which I'm sure isn't what you intended.
- The phrase "no need to pretend" seemed out of place. I didn't see how it related to the other ideas in the piece.
- I think the phrase "avoidable chatter of depression" undermines the concept of depression. If depression is "avoidable" then why would you struggle with it? I think replacing that word with "avoided" or "ignored" would better convey the thought. Such a word would express how people act like depression doesn't exist, which I think fits better with the poem's theme.

- William Liston

[Daphnee]

Thank you so much! It helps out so much to have another perspective. I totally agree and am so grateful!!

[G.C.... aka Gene]

To die is human to live is a travesty. lol, well without popcorn, poetry and paper of course. hell living is great where else can one get torture to death and live to write about it.. lol.. like your poem, good work.....