The Tortured Four

Colt didn't want to be a leader, but he had to protect his sister no matter what. He knew he was different, but he never expected to be an instrument of death.

                                        Chapter One

The only reason I remember my birth so clearly is because I felt like I was on fire. Wait, let me rephrase that: It felt like my soul was fire and I was burning all around me. What’s there to compare that to?

        I heard my mother crying like someone was pulling her body apart. That was of course me doing that. I felt her pain. Her anguish at being the vessel that was to carry me forth into the world. I sensed her regret. Yeah, she knew how much of a monster I was before I did. I had endangered a woman’s life that I didn’t even know yet. I felt like an assassin on his mission, and I sure did complete my mission. You may think it strange that I had these feelings and emotions, but I am no ordinary person, as you will soon learn. Her body constricted around someone outside the womb. Such a strong force. The burning sensation overwhelmed me and I thought I might die in there. I was pushed forward to a blinding brightness with one huge push from her. I fell into these large, scarred hands. I felt ready to burn the entire world, to destroy everything in my path… until I looked into his eyes. Then I feared I would never see my mother’s face. I didn’t hear her screaming anymore. I didn’t hear even the faintest whisper of her voice. The man holding me was striking with eyes that looked like jade. I could only guess that he was my father. I turned around in his arms to look upon the face of my mother. She was beautiful. Her hair was dark-brown with red highlights. Her eyes were blue-green. Would I be so good-looking when I grew up? 

Reviews

[David Jae]

An interesting start. You set things up well and create a good sense of intrigue. If there is a suggestion I could make, it might have been better told through a conversation with someone, to establish a bit more about the characters in your story, but that's a matter of personal style.

I see a lot of potential here...

[Jennifer]

Yeah, the story is being told solely through Colt's eyes, so there are a lot of moments like this where he is basically talking to himself. But thank you for saying what you did. I'm glad that you see potential with it. This actually was a screenplay I wrote that I turned into a novel.

[David Jae]

You're welcome.