The Face of Time

The first gal I fell in love with … lived near the school I attended. I was 18 years of age ... it was love at first sight. Surely … that in itself constitutes a mystery for a man of letters to inquire into today. Imagine … a person sees a face … for the first time in his life … and something in the eyes wants to continue looking … the smile that seems to mean familiarity … the posture that implies a touch … and that mysterious hint of joy that speaks silently of a common bond … reaches out to him … and suddenly he emerges as a new person … in a state that is one with the world.

My inquiries into it are muddled … and I suspect its on account of the fact that I am receiving information from too many sources. Well … okay … maybe we could do with a slight detour on the issues. Let's take a look at the muddle itself.

Something told me its not going to work … why? … simply because love at first sight has no basis with respect to an understanding of the experiences that lead to the event. And in the absence of such a basis … the two people in the relations find themselves … in some ways … engaging the events of their lives together … and thereafter cultivating an a priori dream … that is supposed to have preceded their meeting.

That in itself is not ridiculous … provided a person undertakes such a cultivation with a deep sense of love … and insight into the nature of love … totally … with body, mind and soul. But we drew apart when I went to college … with my mother raising the most heart felt of inquiries into why I seemed to be drifting apart. She got married thereafter … and I went to work for a multi-national Brit company.

My inquiries to-date center on the face … they are the mirror of the senses in an individual. In a closely supervised observation … we come to realize that the face reflects all that goes on within … it refers to the identity of the individual often kept private … his social nature … and like a magician's wand is capable of drawing both the gross and subtle emotions … and relate to the mind with a sense of measured esteem. As a magic wand … it is also engaged by others … family, friends, colleagues and social acquaintances … and they all add to the store of emotional expression.

I had in the course of the last so many years worked down the magic of the face … and managed to get it to accept a combination of knowledge and the magic of dreams. Its helped a little to tone down the excitation of thought when in the company of others … but unlike my previous condition … its improved somewhat by integrating with what others say … without a subtle sense of play acting or merely relying on my sense of right.

Clearly its what the dreams themselves would have me do … but I backed away on past occasions because … what I offered was mere logic … certainly not equal to the weight of love in nature. I found then that such a weight had taken billions of years to cultivate … and over the last 60,000 years … had labored strongly to cultivate the instrument of the face … that works like a charm on itself … to inspire itself to put out … the realization of its dreams.

I don't think it has hurt it any … not permanently … in terms of the way its accustomed to viewing itself in the passions. I can be a b*****d sometimes … and that's all there is to that … but I was touched to find in recent times … that it has tolerated me considerably. I'm grateful of course … and I am prepared to mix a little magic into things I do … if that means sharing with that friend in the emotions … some of the life I encounter on a daily basis. And I guess I'm doing what she has been doing these many eons … I am preserving what I have brought to my experiences into her store of passions … perhaps to grow in the lives that follow … and perhaps at some time in the future … to find that elusive realization of the perfect dream that she seems to be set on.

I find it curious that such a store is viewed both as dreams and facts about life … in an indiscriminating manner of perceptions … in which the view of the male identity and the female … is undertaken without a clear social convention and decorum. That's going to cause a major convolution of issues … that colors every aspect of life with its bias. Its perhaps even trying to convince the world that sodomy … is a normal expression of love.

At some point that may come to pass in an experience of nature's evolution … as we move from past conditions to that of man … but the human condition would solicit such a convention regarding mind … even if it has to destroy everything and re-make itself. In doing so it encounters the enigma on the face of time … in the dreams of the passions. Its the stuff of instant love … magical knowledge … and pantomimed everything … that we pass off with incredible duplicity on the mind … in our own desperate moment of lapse. In many ways we seem to be doing just that … just now.

However in our study of the self … the world … and our individual nature … such a marionette of form and activity … is the only object we have for our continued progression of understanding. We watch and observe … and we avoid any sense of indulgence or dismay. It is unquestionably us … and we make our own choices regarding our response. In my youthful idealism … I had apparently made mine.